Throughout the week I have felt my anxiety level rising. Tears hide just below the surface, occasionally spilling out and running down. My eyes are tired and puffy. Sometimes I think a good cry would release the tension, but feel stupid crying when I'm not even sure exactly what is making me want to.
This morning I felt panicky. I went out to do my shopping and run errands alone. It was good. It was quiet. I wandered Walmart and Hobby Lobby unhurried. I took on the grocery maze that is Wegman's on Saturday afternoons and came out feeling sane. I also came out with a cup of coffee.
I am tired. I miss my grandkids and I am overwhelmed with some of my other responsibilities. I am also adjusting to my mom being able to hear after over a year of adjusting to her being unable to hear. (She has new hearing aides.) I should be thrilled, but I am once again thrown a bit off kilter, and maybe she is too. Perhaps it is the family issues that are plaguing me than anything. I guess there are things chocolate can't fix after all. I wonder if cupcakes...
Martha, just holding you in my thoughts and heart!
ReplyDeleteNot to worry my dear Auntie Martha, we all have those days. I would like to say that I have the answers and I can make it all go away, but sadly I can't. However, I can tell you that you have tons of people around you that love you and support you through everything. The worst of days, filled with anxiety, sadness, guilt, loneliness, fear and grief are always followed by wonderful days filled with smiles, laughs, love, happiness, joy, wonderful memories and thankfulness. So, on days like today, be strong knowing things will be better soon...and on those happy days...cherish them with all you go so the bad days don't seem all that bad after all.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs. You are an amazing woman! Thank you so much for the unexpected FB chat in the morning the other day. It made my day!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I encouraged her to get those hearing aides because you said yelling at her all the time made you feel angry and I was hoping it would help. :( I am looking forward to our lunch date out on Wednesday. Where would you like to go? Also I would like to bring Mom home Thursday night if she'll come.
ReplyDeleteWould Dave and Leta mind if you guys popped in for a visit?
I shouldn't have said, "if she'll come" because she is if it's okay with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, you are the sweetest. I love you.
Christine, I was blessed to find you there even for just a moment. Maybe one day we'll meet up for coffee too. :)
Rachel, it will get better. It's just another adjustment. I'm not sure whether dropping in at Dave and Leta's is a good idea. I don't want to try it and find out it wasn't.
Yes, you deserve a good cry...and a cupcake or two. :) Hope things get better soon!
ReplyDeleteI would try the cupcakes. You never know, they are pretty powerful:-) Praying for you always, Martha!! Love you!! My heart hurts for you as you miss those beautiful grandkids.
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