Bits and Pieces

 * The spine doctor says my MRI looks good. My vertebrae are in good shape at the moment. I am no closer to knowing why my lower back/SI joint are pained but I can rest knowing my back is okay.

* The cardiologist seemed very pleased with both my blood pressure and heart function. I have mild aortic valve disease, which could possibly be reversed if my blood pressure remains under control, I get enough moderate exercise, and bring my cholesterol levels down.

* Work remains stressful. Children are bound and determined to live dangerously. We don't want to hover over them constantly, and yet this is (almost) a requirement of the job. It is downright exhausting. Our letters have not been sent to CPS as the lawyer has not yet "perfected" them. Probably another 2 weeks before they are mailed because we "have plenty of time." Ugh.

* Tomorrow I am going on another adventure with my friend Gail. We're going back to the New Hampshire coast where we went together 3 years ago. This time we're meeting our friend Linda who is already in Boston.

* I'll be sticking close to home for a while after my return. We've got a few things happening here in the next few weeks. (Hopefully I can fill you in later.)

* Oh, and there's a fun little thing going on in the town museum. They're doing a thing on our little neighborhood, which was known in the past as "Indian Village" because of the street names. It's a little tract of National Homes and we feel like it's a pretty special little place.

Bits and Pieces

* News of the eclipse party is everywhere. The eclipse was fantastic, the gathering was the best!

* After every fabulous, rejuvenating event come unexpected stressors. We are stressed. We are stressed for several and various reasons. All we can do is move through them because they aren't going to be over until we do.

* Work is stressful because children are maniacs. (I don't expect anything different.) Work stresses are being managed as well as possible. Hopefully everything will work itself out in time and without any more incidents. (Incidents are inevitable which is why maniacal children are stressful.)

* Did I tell you I was scheduled for an echocardiagram in June? Well, it's tomorrow instead. Yesterday I went in for an MRI on my lower back and afterward decided to see why my follow up appointment with the cardiologist was so far out when my papers say 4 weeks. After checking the schedule, it was discovered there had been a cancellation this week. Did I want the appointment? Absolutely!

* Stress does crazy things to a body. Many of the sensations I have been feeling recently would have been brushed off in the past, but with the knowledge that I have an abnormality in my heart, there comes an even greater consciousness of these sensations. Is today's pain in my upper back related to my heart or did I sleep wrong? Am I once again carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders? Am I imagining symptoms or are they real? (I wasn't crazy in February...) I can not tell the difference between what is serious and what isn't. I will be relieved when tomorrow's appointment is over and I have some answers. (PS. I took a sick day tomorrow.)

* My car has a new battery, fresh oil, new lift support struts so the back will stay open when I want to put my groceries inside, and new brake lights too. Oh, and the gas tank is full.

* Please keep my little family in your prayers. We have big things happening. Thank you so much.

PS. I felt God smile again this afternoon when my phone rang. The person on the other end had no idea I was trying to call them back for precisely the same reason they were calling me. I never even had to tell them anything. I just smiled and agreed to their suggestion. It was perfect!

Bits and Pieces

 Every so often I let a bigger chunk of time go by than I intended. 

* On Friday, March 22 we finished up my Disney Birthday Adventure by visiting Animal Kingdom with Jim and Michele's two youngest children, Jonah and Charlie. It was was an absolutely incredible week topped off with a birthday cake on Saturday afternoon. I couldn't have asked for  more and am so grateful for the lengths they went to in order to make the week so incredibly special.

Jim and I visited Gideon's Bakehouse inside the West End Market on Corrine Drive in Orlando on the way to the airport Sunday at noon. We had Parker along for the ride. I bought a few of their spectacular cookies to take home, and then wandered about the Orlando airport picking up a few souvenirs there that I hadn't found or missed in the parks at Disney. It was a direct flight home so no layovers this time.

* Monday morning found me visiting the cardiologist before work. This was scheduled ahead of time and my first visit. I'm now scheduled for an echocardiogram in June along with another blood pressure medication and a return visit to the cardiologist. (Turning 60 is an exciting adventure so far!) It's good to know I wasn't simply anxious or crazy when I made the appointment in February because I was feeling off.

* There was a mandatory in-service staff meeting after work from 6-8 pm on Tuesday evening that covered all things related to recent visits from OCFS and CPS. The case involving our classroom is not yet settled (it should be halfway there now) but we have been assured by the director that all will be good in the end and no one is in danger of losing their jobs. In the meantime, my co worker and I remain separated and work is stressful, albeit a bit friendlier. I was so tired after work on Wednesday that I put myself to bed by about 7:30 pm.

* Some news of interest. You may have heard about the up and coming total solar eclipse that will be occurring on April 8. Rochester, NY is in the path of totality which makes it a pretty big deal around here. Schools and business will be closed and we are expecting a record number of visitors to our area. That in and of itself is pretty exciting, but there is an added excitement I did not know of until accidentally stumbling upon a news article while in Florida last week. (Here's another in case the first doesn't work.) Back in 1978 a 22 year old local teacher, in his first year of teaching Earth Science, was looking 46 years into the future and inviting his 14 year old students to gather together for this very event. 

Fun Fact #1- the event is on the horizon. 

Fun fact #2- I was one of those students 

Lester Holt and his NBC news team are flying into Rochester to interview Mr. Moriarty and some of his former students! It's almost bigger news for some of us than the eclipse. LOL!

Time Marches On and On

This weekend came with a wonderful gift. I was invited to visit my little friends Julia, Charlotte and their brother William on Saturday afternoon. It's been six months since I left the daycare in Macedon and I haven't seen them in all that time. Mom showed them pictures before I arrived and they were all excited to find me at the door. It did not take long at all for them to warm up, show me their snacks, bring me toys and books and sit in my lap. They will be turning 2 years old in just a few weeks and were just five months old when I started caring for them. Oh, my heart! I have missed them so much!

I didn't go to church this morning. Whether I am struggling with anxiety or something else I do not know. My heart has been knocking on my chest wall again this weekend. The doctor offered a medication for anxiety but I'm hoping to settle my mind and body without. Deep breaths. Lots of deep breaths.

Across town lives a beautiful, old friend. She has faced a lifetime of tragedies and was on my heart this afternoon. I decided to go knock on her door and see if she was home. I told her I'd come to give her a hug and tell her that I love her. She offered me a cup of coffee (I had water instead) and we sat and talked at her kitchen table. I hugged her tight before leaving and kissed the spot on her forehead where I accidentally hit her in the head with a tennis racket when we were teenagers. 

A little before 3 pm I met Hannah for a late afternoon lunch. We decided on the Tropical Smoothie Cafe. 

The weather was mild today, the perfect day for an afternoon walk. I decided on the "biggest" block and walked past the woods at the Dead End and on through the bordering neighborhood. Down by the school a little girl was riding her bike in a driveway. Her mother waved and I crossed the street to say hello to Hayleigh from work and her little daughter Savannah. On my way back toward home I passed what looked like a baby white mouse on the sidewalk. After passing I actually turned around and walked back to take a closer look, but it was just a piece of wadded up tissue paper.

Take a Flying Leap

(It's Leap Day!)

Winter has returned for a minute or two. With snow. I went to the lake after my doctor visits on Tuesday. It was such a beautiful day with very springlike temperatures. Yesterday the temperature plummeted and there was snow on the ground this morning. It'll be gone by Saturday, if not tomorrow.

So... things at work have been going better. My boss has been extremely... nice. Nothing was said about the email, nor was there a reply, but she has been extra friendly. I'm not sure exactly what this means but I'm willing to wait and see. I will be guarded, but honestly don't wish to cause trouble or stir up strife, nor am I trying to make enemies.

We had an incident at work today. (I'm not saying anything more, simply putting this here for myself as a reference point.) Maybe I'll tell the story after it's all sorted out and settled.

My blood pressure continues to be up and down but my resting heart rate has been good. The doctor's notes said, "She is normal weight," which I found encouraging even if I would like to lose 30 pounds. I'm trying to eat better while waiting for spring and the ability to walk more consistently. I was in pain back in the fall and did not walk near as much as I'd hoped. We're in the home stretch. Just another blizzard or two and it can be spring.

Pictures from my stop at the lake on Tuesday afternoon when it was 70 degrees or more.

The Continuing Saga

My blood pressure is just as high at home as it was in the doctor's office, so it's not the White Coat kind. The good part of that is I did not go to the doctor for nothing. The bad part is my blood pressure is way too high.

I am scheduled to have a cortisone injection in my sacroiliac joint on February 27 (They called today) and I had to send my boss another time off request for that and the follow-up appointment. I don't blame her for wanting to go crazy with my abundance of appointments. I'm a little crazy with it myself. One thing just leads to another...

* My visit to my GP about my back pain led to physical therapy, which led to orthopedics, which led to the Spine Center/pain management doctor, which is leading me to the cortisone injection and a follow-up appointment..

* My apparent allergic reaction in Cape Cod led to the allergist noticing my elevated tryptase levels which led to him sending me to hematology to rule out anything serious. (He thinks it's just a hereditary condition that makes me more susceptible to itching and hives but wants to make sure. Test so far have pointed in that direction.) That appointment is March 11th.

* My visit to the eye doctor led to a visual field test, which led to the possibility of eye lid surgery. (LOL! Like that's going to happen... There are way too many other things to address.)

* My appointment yesterday, precipitated by my visit to the Spine Center, led to an EKG, which is leading me to a cardiologist on my return from Florida in March.

That doesn't include the recommendation to see an orthopedist for my hands, and I haven't even mentioned yet how my right sinus always feels like there is a blockage in there. Headaches are almost always on the right side and it always feels like there is something in my right nostril that doesn't come out when I blow my nose... Ugh. Have I told you I once didn't go to the doctor for years and years?

Anyway, taking a mental health day was profitable. I wasn't comfortable doing nothing and I wasn't comfortable doing something, so I decided to at least be accomplished. I cleaned the utility room in the center of the house. I feel much better knowing most of the dust and cobwebs have been cleaned away from the furnace and water heater, off the walls, and out of the corners. It's not finished yet but the difference is astonishing.

PS. Some pictures of last week's pottery night creations. Tonight I'll be rolling more slabs and hopefully glazing.

So There.

So, I was feeling anxious enough to call the doctor this morning on my break. A little short of breath (nothing excessive), a tad lightheaded (which could mean nothing), and totally overwhelmed along with that heart that I can almost always feel beating. (It's beating. That's good, yes?) 

My boss was less than thrilled when I told her. "Will you be coming back afterward?" she asked in an exasperated tone, along with a look of disgust. 

"I don't know," I told her, "It depends on what happens." 

"I'll have to rewrite the schedule," she muttered.

I could be reading more into her tone and answers than I should. I want to like her. I want her to like me. I've had more than my share of appointments in the 6 months I've worked there... She doesn't really know me, and I don't know much about her, but there has never been any hint of concern from her. No "I hope everything goes well!" or "How is your hand feeling?" (I fell on it in January.) Nothing. It feels as though she couldn't care less.

Anyway, I had my highest blood pressure reading ever when I arrived at the doctor's office. They checked both arms with the machine, and then did a manual check as well. The doctor checked it several  minutes later and it had relaxed significantly, but it was not any lower than it had been on Monday. She decided to prescribe a low dose of medication and suggested I pick up a blood pressure cuff and track my readings for the next two weeks. They also did a quick EKG and said perhaps I should see a cardiologist due to a slight abnormality. (If my kids are reading this at all, don't panic. I'll let you know if there's anything big going on. My appointment with cardiology isn't until I come home from Disney.) Oh, and the doctor also wrote me a note to stay home this afternoon and tomorrow. 

Winter has descended. It was cold when I walked into the doctor's office a little before 1 pm. Bitter, even, but the ground was clear and dry. And hour or so later, when I was buying a blood pressure machine in Target, the snow started coming down. It will be an entirely new world out there tomorrow morning.

Under Pressure

I have been feeling stressed. Toddlers are great for raising blood pressure and mine is way too high. I do not like the numbers I am seeing (at the spine center on Monday), and I don't like how I've been feeling. It was too late to call my doctor's office this evening so I sent them on online message to inquire about it. I don't have a headache, I can see fine, and my speech is not slurred. I'm not dizzy and can walk just fine. (It's the galloping that sends me sprawling and I've purposed not to do anymore of that.) Just putting this out there because it's what's on my mind at this particular moment. Yes, I will connect with the doctor. Thankfully, I have one. I am grateful.

What is wonderful in my life? My mother taught me to "count my blessings" so there is always something for which to be grateful. I have a great vacation on the horizon and I am very much looking forward to spring. I've got some great mugs waiting to be glazed on Friday and people asking if they are for sale. But, in all actuality, I am mostly feeling anxious. Maybe it's because it's February and I miss my mom...

I drank lots of water today. Lots and lots, and now I am having a cup of camomile tea with honey. Perhaps I should scale back on the coffee, not that I drink a ton or anything, just a cup in the morning and another of half caffeine in the afternoon. Maybe replace one cup at a time with cinnamon tea. Maybe.

Oh, I bought myself a comfy, new, little recliner. It's built for women and smaller than the usual. I picked it up at Home Goods a couple weeks ago and it seems very good for my lower back. Great foot rest and fabulous back support. It fit perfectly into the back of my car. I like it a lot and now all I need to do is pay for it. Ha ha!

Two in a Row

 It's been an interesting year. A year ago I decided to find a new doctor. I didn't have one because I seldom needed one and had been knocked off the past doctor's list of patients for not going often enough. (Who knew that was a thing?) I eventually settled into a practice close to home, caught up on the missing physical and blood work, did the recommended tests, and even went to physical therapy for the pain in my lower back. Not only did I do the doctor thing but I saw my GYN, found a dentist, and got back in with the eye doctor about two weeks ago. 

In September, after a strange allergic-like reaction while on vacation in August, I saw an allergist who had discovered something slightly unusual in my blood work. It's probably something genetic, and if so could explain the possible seafood reaction I had in Cape Cod. He wants me to make an appointment with hematology to rule out anything more serious.

In the meantime, my eye doctor scheduled a visual field test, which was yesterday morning. My upper eyelids lay like puffy curtains over my eyelashes, making it hard to keep my eyes open. (Honestly, sometimes it's an effort.) Eyelid surgery would vastly improve my ability to see, and probably renew my desire to read as well. 

I fell at work a few weeks ago and ended up going to Urgent Care for an x-ray of my right wrist and thumb. Nothing was broken but the suggested I go to an orthopedist. I didn't. My boss was thrown off enough that I gone anywhere at all... and my hand was feeling much better. I've been careful not to overuse my right hand which has apparently resulted in me overusing the left. I felt a popping in the outer part of my thumb yesterday and didn't think much of it, but today the pain has gradually gotten worse, even traveling into my wrist, arm, and fingers. A coworker said I should have it x-rayed too but I bought a brace and took some ibuprofen...

Next week I have an appointment with a pain management specialist. LOL! For my lower back. If I take meloxicam on a regular basis, there is not much pain, but when I back off for too long it comes back. Turning over in bed can be painful. They say it's my SI joint, which is why I went to physical therapy. I now have buns of steel, but my back still hurts.

It sounds like I'm getting old or something. Ha ha! I recently learned that galloping, indoors or out, is not safe for my body, but I'm still trying to convince my brain. I'm not in miserable pain and I stay upright on my feet, unless I pretend I'm a horse. A coworker was "skipping" about the classroom today, but I opted to sit that one out. LOL! I don't want to be the baby (or old lady) who can't mop the floors or lift children, I don't want to be the whiner, and I don't want to go back to the doctor with something new to complain about. I also want to climb mountains, sail the ocean, and ride a zip line.

Updates (Kind of like Bits and Pieces)

 * My doctor answered the message I sent and agrees it sounds like I had an allergic reaction while on vacation in Cape Cod. He has referred me to an allergist.

* I am never quite ready to come home from vacations even if it rains, which it did. In spite of the rain, and sometimes ocean mist, we had some fabulous beach days.

Cockle Cove Beach- 8/12

Morris Island Loop Trail- 8/13

Chatham Pier and Fish Market- 8/13

First Encounter Beach- 8/13 (sunset)

Marconi Beach- 8/14

Head of the Meadow Beach- 8/16

Provincetown Pier- 8/16

Nauset Beach- 8/17

 

Breakwater Beach- 8/18 (sunset)

* My friend Lisa, who lives on Cape Cod, was able to come visit me Friday morning. We shared coffee and a long talk. She moved back to the Cape 19 years ago! I can't believe it's been so long already. 

* I started my new job on Monday. It's been mostly training so far with a little time in a few classrooms. The first child I was asked to sit by was on a cot attempting to take a nap. God really does have a sense of humor. It was the one little girl whose name I happened to know, although I had never met her or her parents. She is the 2 year old cousin of the twins I just left behind at the other daycare.

* I walked to work Monday morning. Today I took my car and came home for lunch. Such a change from what I've been doing the past six years.

Cape Cod

It's been a beautiful week at the Cape. We visited at least seven beaches (Cocle Cove Beach, First Encounter Beach, Morris Island Loop Trail at the Monomy Wildlife Refuge, Marconi Beach, Head of the Meadow Beach, and Nauset Beach), stopped at the Chatham Pier and Fish Market, and walked down Commercial St. in Provincetown. We bought pie at Marion's Pie Shop and had ice cream at the Brewster Scoop in Brewster, Sundae School in Chatham, and the Ice Cream Cafe in Orleans. 

Our first night we bought clam chowder from Mac's Fish Market. On Sunday we ate at the pier. I got fish (haddock) and chips. On Monday, after our day at the beach, we went to Arnold's Lobster and Cam Bar where Laura and I split a Seafood Platter (whole belly clams, calamari, shrimp, scallops & codfish). When we went to bed four hours later, I was feeling itchy. I had some hives in random places, which is not totally unusual for me. I read my book before we turned out the light. It was when I settled down to sleep that my throat first felt a little scratchy. It got scratchier as time went on and my tongue slowly began to feel thick and stiff. By the time I woke Laura's friend Dorrie, who was sharing a room with me, I couldn't talk above a whisper. (I'd already swallowed an extra Claritin.) Dorrie woke Laura and they called 911 but by the time the EMTs arrived my tongue was starting to feel a little better and my voice was beginning to come back. The head EMT said he didn't think I was having an allergic reaction (at least not anaphylactic) but I didn't eat any more seafood after that. I will admit it has been hard to watch them eat it and go without. I would have loved to have another round of Fish and Chips but I couldn't chance it. I'll be talking with my doctor when I return home.

(I started this while still at the Cape but never had a chance to finish.)

Bits and Pieces

*  I like three day weekends...

*  I like short work weeks...

* I went to the doctor about my back (again). I went 4 years ago and the doctor was ready to send me for an MRI. This doctor was calmer, suggested it is perhaps sacroiliitis and prescribed an anti-inflammatory medication along with a bit of physical therapy. He also gave me some exercises to try. Bending and lifting all day is hard on the aging body.

*  May was a month of processing thoughts and emotions. I'm sure it will carry over into June and beyond. I'm learning about Emotional Phantoms. (Kind of like a phantom limb, which is something I thought about over the weekend...) 

*  No new room update. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself is long and dark.

*  A friend and I are planning to go on a little vacation in August. It involves sand and water and I think it will be fun. Stay tuned.

Accomplishments

 It's done! I did it! Every dreaded appointment crossed off my list. New doctor, blood work, mammogram, gynecologist, full mouth x-rays, dental work, teeth cleaned, colonoscopy. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check. (I'm just slightly proud of my accomplishment. It's a little like having run a triathlon. Ha ha!) As long as everything checks out good, there will be no more appointments until fall. My boss will be ecstatic. 

Mediocrity, and Bucket Lists

I've come to the not-so-very-surprising conclusion that I have settled for mediocrity. In an effort to be content, which is a good thing, I have not chased after my own goal and ambitions, which is a bad thing. Rather than keeping my eyes on the goals, I have lost sight of them altogether, if I ever had my sights on them in the first place.

What did I want to be when I was a little girl? Was I ever encouraged to be anything other than a wife and mother? What DOES my heart desire? So many questions and so very few answers...

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I am checking doctor appointments off my list; physical, mammogram, gynecologist... (Once upon a time I kept up with doctor appointments and then our insurance became to expensive to maintain and we went without for years.) I'm told it's time for a colonoscopy, and I have a number to call but haven't set up the appointment yet. Maybe tomorrow. I saw the OB/GYN today. He's the same guy that delivered my last two babies and was my doctor for the last four. His hair used to be brown. Now it short and white... It's been about 36 years since I first started seeing him. He wants me to have an ultrasound so I'm adding an unexpected appointment to the list.

I should probably find a new dentist too. The dentist terrifies me. I literally cry when it's time to go. (I once went nearly 20 years without going... Now it's been  probably six.) I still have all my teeth, so there's that. 

The hair... It's long. I haven't had it cut in over a year. Almost a year and a half. My sweet, beautiful hair dresser passed away just after Christmas. I drove an hour to have Amanda cut my hair. She was worth the drive, always smiling, always encouraging, always making me feel beautiful... Amanda. Forever beautiful, forever young, forever missed. Maybe someday I'll get my hair cut again, but it isn't in the plan anytime soon.

One of my sons can cross "have my car stolen" off his bucket list. Ugh! I saw the door cam video. They smashed the back window, climbed in and drove away. Just like that. Yup, it was a Kia. Makes my heart hurt. The bright spot is he took his basket of dirty laundry back inside the house last night "for some reason."

Little Stuff

Today was Wednesday, that magical day midweek when the weekend feels not quite so far away and the week a little more tolerable... Although Monday and Tuesday are really not so intolerable and I like going to work.

I went to the pottery studio last night and actually threw a few pots. Fancy that! I haven't thrown anything on the wheel in weeks, but one of my friends asked if I was going to throw any bowls and it sounded like a good idea.

This afternoon I made a visit to the doctor. I had a couple of things I needed to check out. My back/right hip has been bothering me for quite some time. A long time, really. It hurts mostly when I lay down, but can be a nuisance at other times too. The good news is my hip is working fine. It is probably a pinched nerve caused by inflammation. I've been prescribed an anti inflammatory medication and given a sheet to have an x-ray taken, just to make sure nothing is amiss. The doctor was not at all concerned about the other issue. Just a small sebaceous cyst.