Bits and Pieces

A myriad of thoughts dance haphazardly through my mind, stumbling, sprawling, colliding, unready (or perhaps unable) to gather into one coherent string of words... 

*A week ago I assembled a small puzzle of our family. It was given to me as a Christmas gift in 2016 by my former daughter in law. All seven of my children, five of their spouses, and eight grandchildren arranged in tight group before Barn 3 back on the farm in Williamson on July 4, 2016. Smiling faces, unaware of (or hiding) the invisible, widening fissures in our family. It was to be our last all together, summer gathering with any semblance of normalcy, no matter how hollow it was for some of us. There would be a tense and nervous Christmas gathering to follow. By the holidays I was breaking into a million pieces while my unknowing children, full of questions, looked on not knowing "what was wrong with Mom." They could only guess... 

* It's January and our work hours have been reduced. It's evidently common for Dunkin to be "slow" this time of year although we still have bouts of utter insanity... I was hired verbally as full time, but the app that details our paychecks lists me as "part time," giving the powers that be the freedom to slash hours without repercussion. My hours have been reduced to 30 from the previous 37 1/2 per week. I have been assured, "It'll pick back up again in February," but the looming tariffs threatened by our current administration would most definitely affect our supply of coffee. Coffee doesn't grow here in the United States... I'm not staying awake thinking about it, but it is there in the back of my mind. I already spent most of the money I'd saved up last summer to fix the brakes on my car. If hours don't pick back up again, I don't know how I'll pay my income taxes...

* I've been in contact with an old friend. Here and there a message. I missed a phone call yesterday because I wasn't at home and therefore away from the WiFi necessary for the app to work. Well, that's disappointing. We have so much to catch up on too.

* We are in the deep freeze, along with the rest of the eastern US. It's nothing out of the ordinary here. Par for the course. Single digit temperatures with frigid wind chills are a normal part of winter. We pile more blankets on the bed, stay inside more (maybe), and drink hot beverages. (Actually, we're still selling a ton of iced and frozen coffees, iced teas, and other iced drinks.) It's the season of soups and stews, and soon 30 degrees will feel like a heat wave. (A picture from yesterday's outdoor adventure, and the reason I missed my friend's phone call...)

Bits and Pieces

* News of the eclipse party is everywhere. The eclipse was fantastic, the gathering was the best!

* After every fabulous, rejuvenating event come unexpected stressors. We are stressed. We are stressed for several and various reasons. All we can do is move through them because they aren't going to be over until we do.

* Work is stressful because children are maniacs. (I don't expect anything different.) Work stresses are being managed as well as possible. Hopefully everything will work itself out in time and without any more incidents. (Incidents are inevitable which is why maniacal children are stressful.)

* Did I tell you I was scheduled for an echocardiagram in June? Well, it's tomorrow instead. Yesterday I went in for an MRI on my lower back and afterward decided to see why my follow up appointment with the cardiologist was so far out when my papers say 4 weeks. After checking the schedule, it was discovered there had been a cancellation this week. Did I want the appointment? Absolutely!

* Stress does crazy things to a body. Many of the sensations I have been feeling recently would have been brushed off in the past, but with the knowledge that I have an abnormality in my heart, there comes an even greater consciousness of these sensations. Is today's pain in my upper back related to my heart or did I sleep wrong? Am I once again carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders? Am I imagining symptoms or are they real? (I wasn't crazy in February...) I can not tell the difference between what is serious and what isn't. I will be relieved when tomorrow's appointment is over and I have some answers. (PS. I took a sick day tomorrow.)

* My car has a new battery, fresh oil, new lift support struts so the back will stay open when I want to put my groceries inside, and new brake lights too. Oh, and the gas tank is full.

* Please keep my little family in your prayers. We have big things happening. Thank you so much.

PS. I felt God smile again this afternoon when my phone rang. The person on the other end had no idea I was trying to call them back for precisely the same reason they were calling me. I never even had to tell them anything. I just smiled and agreed to their suggestion. It was perfect!