Luck of the Draw

I had a little free time this morning and so I stopped over to my son's house for breakfast. I found my eight year old grandson at the kitchen table drawing. The other two kids were asleep so I sat down with Lucas and considered a little drawing of my own.

I don't draw often now, but as a small children my sisters and I would often gather around the dining room table of our childhood home to draw with Dad after supper. I can draw, but drawing takes effort. Today I decided to put a little extra effort into the task and did not draw cats, dogs, or ladybugs.

On the table was a small doll. I looked her over and set her up as a model, picked up a colored pencil, and set to work. At first my mind wanted to tell me it couldn't be done, but it wasn't long before she started to take shape. When Aubrey came down later, I saw her look at my drawing and then glance up at the small toy. (She's actually recognizable!)

Sammy Supreme

Grilled sandwiches are the bomb!

Every so often it is actually painful to sit at lunch, encourage my friend to eat, and then have to throw a perfectly gorgeous sandwich into the trash. When I'm hungry it makes me especially sad, like the other day when the sandwiches were perfectly splendid. Toasted to perfection and smelling absolutely delicious!

I had time to stop on my way home this afternoon. I went in Wegmans and bought box of roasted turkey breast, some Muenster cheese, pesto sauce, and some colored peppers. I roasted the red pepper under the broiler and when the sammy was assembled, I grilled it in my cast iron skillet. It was just as yummy as it sounds. I wanted another, but I am sad to say I'd only made one.

The Grayscale

Grayscale- a range of gray shades from white to black, as used in a monochrome display or printout.

"Black and white" thinking vs "gray"... Did I tell you there are a lot of little (and big) thoughts bouncing around in my little mind? I did a little research on thought processes and this article was helpful. (It's here) It explained different ways of thinking in a way I could understand without bashing religion, politics, or morality. Even a grayscale picture has some black and white.

A few years back I wrote a "Black and White" post. (It's here.) It was about people; black people and white people and everything in between. In reality there aren't any "black" people or "white" people, we're all a variation of one or the other.

Did I tell you my thoughts bounce? Of course I did...

I've been going to Community Bible Study this year and we're working our way through the book of Matthew. We're almost done now and have seen plenty of run-ins between the religious leaders of the Jews and Jesus. Apparently they didn't like his gray way of thinking. He heals and performs miracles (repeatedly) on the Sabbath, His disciples eat with unwashed hands. He befriends "sinners." He challenges the religious leaders... Of course, eventually Jesus shows His black and white side. He labels the Scribes and Pharisees "hypocrites, snakes, and whitewashed tombs." They don't like that, and so they have him killed. Like that was going to solve their problem...

When God gave the Law, he gave it in black and white, but not because we could ever be good enough to keep it. It was exactly the opposite. The requirements were in black and white to show that we couldn't keep it. We are helplessly not-good-enough. Enter Jesus. God slips His hand into the glove of human flesh, comes down to earth, fulfills the law, and gives himself as a sacrifice. He dies so that the rest of us can be saved from the consequences of not being good enough. Jesus was a perfect living example of grace-scale thinking, and we are saved by grace.

(I borrowed the photos from my old post. Every one of these children has a "black" grandparent. In reality, we're not as black and white as we'd like to think.)

He Leadeth Me

Every once in a while a song from my childhood pops up and plays itself over and over in my mind. I can't recall exactly the conversation that led to the song, but I know it's been there for several days now winding it's comforting words and melody into my heart, making me thankful all over again for music my dad brought into my childhood home through his his guitar and harmonica. I can't imagine life without Dad singing. This isn't him, of course, but even so I find myself strangely drawn in...

Little Bits

The weekend is winding down. I've worked the last three and am looking forward to not working the next one. I get one off and then I get to work the next three again. By the time I'm done working all those weekends I'll probably need three off... ha ha! I still think about doing something else, but so far that is as far as it's gone.

Coffee. I lost track of my caffeine intake this past week and woke up on Friday morning feeling like I'd been hit on the head with a brick. I wanted to pull the covers back up over my head but I know better than that. Instead I hauled myself out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen. I swallowed half an Excedrin, drank a cup of coffee, and hoped for the best. When my sweet Hannah wondered if I'd like to go grocery shopping with her, I took her up on the offer. Fresh, cool air and a bot of distraction are good for headaches. By later afternoon it was but a memory.

Friday was my grandpa's birthday. It's hard to believe he'd be 113 years old by now. Time is a crazy thing. Grandpa was 95 when he left us and he's been gone nearly 18 years. It was easy to fool ourselves into thinking he'd always be here, but we all knew it wasn't really possible, just wishful thinking.

Lily White's Party

When I was a little girl my mom or dad, sometimes both of them, would tuck us into bed at night. First we knelt by the side of the bed and said our prayers, me, Priscilla, and Rachel, and then Mom or Dad. Prayers were always followed by hugs and kisses, often in multiples, and quite often, before we actually went to sleep, there was a call for a drink of water.

I shared a bedroom with Priscilla for most of our childhood. We would talk in the dark before settling down, starting with whispers that sometimes escalated into loud laughter, especially if the game involved throwing our stuffed animals back and forth between beds. One of our parents would then come down the hall or call out from the other room. "Hey! Quiet down in there and go to sleep!" and we would remember once again to talk in whispers.

Most nights one or both of us would find the need (or desire) to get out of bed and head for the bathroom, and then on the return trip there would come the rush of excitement, a mad dash down the hall, and a wild leap under the covers before whatever lay in wait underneath the bed could grab us by the ankles, drag us into their lair, and devour us. Most often the imagined villain was a witch.

As we grew into our teens the bedtime routine gradually changed and Mom and Dad no longer always tucked us in at night. I'm not sure when it happened, but I still recall the nights when I would lay awake in the dark and suddenly realize that Dad had not come to give me that hug I so desperately loved. I don't think he knew how much it meant for him to come in kiss my cheek or head and wrap me in his arms before I drifted off. I still miss that and think I always will.

And the Years Fly By

I found this in my Facebook memories this morning... It was part of a challenge from a friend to post a verse of scripture for seven days.

"Fifty one years ago today (now it's 53...) it was Palm Sunday. A tiny baby girl made her way into this world and took her first breath. Her parents named her Martha... I'm always disappointed when my birthday falls on Sunday and it isn't Palm Sunday. It's only happened once since I was born (in 1970) and isn't scheduled to happen again any time in the next 20 years. I'll probably never have another Palm Sunday birthday in my lifetime, but it always feels special just the same.

So, my second scripture is Matthew 21:8-10

And a very great multitude spread their clothes on the road; others cut down branches from the trees and spread them on the road. Then the multitudes who went before and those who followed cried out, saying: ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!’
Hosanna in the highest!”

And when He had come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, “Who is this?”

Maybe they should have named me Hosanna. Ha ha!

Writing, Writing, Writing

My blog is eleven years old. For years I wrote almost every day. I drove the Cabinet Maker crazy but I had read "if you want to be a writer, the best thing to do is to write each and every day." It didn't have to be anything grand or glorious, just a steady flow of words from the heart. And so I wrote.

It's quite obvious that some pieces are better than others. Some are funny, others serious. Writing has preserved silly kid stories, family history, and childhood memories. It's carried me through dark days and difficult times. I've said a final goodbye to both my parents, cried with friends and family, and celebrated weddings and the births of ten grandchildren. I've recorded each and every one.

Writing is harder these days. I spend many hours sitting with my friend in the nursing home. My days aren't as fun or amusing and the stories feel redundant. I'm in a different season, one I don't know quite how to process. I miss the days of silly children running round and round my kitchen table while my aged mother told them to "slow down." I'm trying to keep up with reading blogs as well as writing, but I fear I'm lagging behind... Thankfully, spring is on its way, and with spring comes sunshine, fresh air, and new life, so I'm looking forward to finding a friend or two for a photo excursion, inviting my kiddos and their kiddos over for a picnic, and finding my way down to the lake.

Don't give up on me quite yet.

Ouch!

I haven't had a bad headache in months, probably because of my regular visits to the chiropractor, but the storm threw off my schedule, a few residual hormones kicked in, and for one reason or another I found myself in pain when I woke up yesterday morning. It had to be a Sunday... From the back of my right eye, through the right side of my head, down my neck, and into my shoulder blade. I can hear the popping if I flex my shoulders and it feels a little bit like a knife in my back. Fun stuff.

I took my headache to work with me after church yesterday and thought how some days it is a good thing that I do a lot of sitting. Then again, more movement might mean I would be distracted from the pain. Maybe. I used to curl up in a ball and sleep these headaches off but that is not to happen today. I'm giving my daughter a ride to her chiropractor appointment... Maybe he'll pop me back in shape too while  I'm there because I don't have time for curling up and going to sleep.

Making Up for Lost Time

I missed two days of work due to the storm this past week, so when my boss sent a text saying this weekend was available, I decided to accept the hours. In the meantime I found the backyard snow sculptures pretty impressive. Half of our snow accumulation blew away before the warm up even began.

 Dips and swirls. A friend said it looks like a desert landscape, but I found no miniature camel to place in the vast expanse.

Out by the door to the chicken coop and all along its outer edge was a drift of sculpted snow sharpened into pointed peaks along a narrow pathway between the drift and the coop. The bin of feed was all but buried, the hinged lid barely, but still accessible, between the pointed peaks and the wall of the chicken house. We could get the door open just enough to squeeze through to feed and water the peckers. (They were a little over zealous today and pecked my fingers...)

 Today the melting snow, which had collected on the roof of the coop (which is underneath the barn roof), dripped water on my head as I unhooked the door and filled my container with feed. I was puzzled at first, but then I remembered the ferocious swirling blizzard and how it had even made it's way around the backside of the enclosure and lay in a thin blanket across the rear edge of the interior. The chickens have been inside for about a week's time. The one day I offered to let them out, they took one look at the snow and decided to stay in. I am struggling with their insistence on crossing the street to visit the neighbor's yard. I am less worried about their safety, than that of my neighbors. Mr. Rooster has quite the attitude and I really don't need him deciding to take out his aggression on any unsuspecting victim. It's been suggested that maybe I should try keeping him in when I let the hens out. Maybe I'll try it.

A Second Snow Day

After looking out the windows, weighing my options, and seeking opinions, I decided to stay home from work for a second day. I didn't really feel like staying home, but the weather is so awful and the drive is 40 minutes in good weather. If my part in her care was absolutely imperative, I'd have braved the elements, but even on good days I typically arrive to a sleeping companion. She is awakened for lunch, eats as little as she can get away with, is toileted, and then put into bed from about 2 pm until about 4:30 pm. It just didn't seem worth the risk today, although I'm sure the staff at the facility would have been appreciative. (picture courtesy of the facility's FB page)

It's hard to tell how much it's snowing when the wind is blowing so constantly, but my son in law posted a few pictures that show how deep it is at their house. I remember many winters when my dad shoveled that driveway by hand.

The baby was supposed to show how deep the snow was, but the angle is a little off and all you really notice is his cuteness. He's too little to play outside this year, but it won't be long before he's out there helping his daddy clear the driveway.

The storm, along with its wind, is supposed to dissipate sometime between tonight and tomorrow. Between the windstorm last Wednesday and this week's blizzard, some school districts lost four days of school in the past week! In a few days it will get warm again and winter will be over. The snow will melt and we can think about spring and daffodils. March always has the last big snowstorm and it's typically a big one. Time to let the lion rest so the lamb can come out and play.

The Wildness of the Weather

Last week it was wind, this week it's snow. I found a flock of linemen parked by Target yesterday. They were just coming back from grabbing a bite to eat across the street when I pulled up. They really are unsung heroes.

I was given the choice of whether or not to go into work today. Seeing as the weather conditions are forecast to deteriorate, and seeing as it's already a 40 minute drive, across the Irondequoit Bay bridge both ways, and seeing as my friend will be warm, hopefully well fed, and well taken care of with or without me, I decided to stay home where I will be safe, warm, well fed, and taken care of. No one will have to rescue me from a snowbank or a car accident, and I won't be sleeping in a nursing home recliner overnight.

It looks as if we lost a bit of roof in last week's windstorm. The old migrant shack (yes, seasonal workers actually once lived there) isn't our favorite outbuilding, but in spite of its appearance, it's still functioning. It's a great winter shelter for Ben's old Ford truck, a storage area for milled lumber, and it's holding that old silver maple up in windstorms, ice storms, and blizzards.

My youngest son took off for Minneapolis last Thursday morning and almost got stranded in Detroit until tomorrow morning. He had a great weekend with his oldest brother and family and is making the most of his homeward bound adventures.

Lots to Do

It promises to be a busy day. I have much to do and lots to accomplish. There are moments when I'd really like to hide myself away for a good cry, just to let off some steam, because you know that's what women do... but I don't have time today and I don't want to deal with red puffy eyes while I'm busy accomplishing. Maybe I'll put it on my to do list. I think I can fit it in Friday morning.

Slides. Old Slides

I've had my two days off and am back to work today. There are still sporadic power outages and it was colder than cold yesterday and last night. Thankfully, we don't have a foot or two of snow on top of everything else.

I spent some time playing with old slides this past week. Projecting them onto a flat surface and taking a photo with my camera. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Most of the slides have some kind of label but there are others with nothing but a date to go by. I found this cute couple among the unlabeled. So young, vibrant, and happy! I can't recall the date on the slide, but I took a guess at who it might be and put it on Facebook for a "friend"/relative with a little note. "K-----, is this your grandparents?" I don't think I've ever met the granddaughter, but she sent back, "oh my goodness!! where did you find this?!" The grandmother is well into her eighties by now, one of my dad's older cousins.

And I found this too. A picture of my own grandma, all dressed up, for a special occasion of some kind. I thought, when I copied it, that she was dressed up for my parents' wedding, but they were married at the end of July and I don't think the outfit or the flowers match that time frame. Maybe they were celebrating Mother's Day and Grandma's May birthday... ? Anyway, I think she's beautiful. I sure do miss her.

Ground Control to Major Tom

Dear Tom,

It's still windy here at home. Lots of downed trees and power lines. Lots of folks without heat or electricity. Our power did not go out, but the internet was down for over 24 hours. I can live with that. It wasn't cold when the wind kicked up on Wednesday, but it's cold now. Drove to Wegmans yesterday and decided to take the "scenic route" home. Down 250 to Lake Road where I thought I might take a drive down by Webster Park. I found a large tree blocking the way. (Holt Rd was already closed from 104 north. I should have known.)

I set off toward home along Lake Rd but had to turn around just past County Line due to downed trees and power lines. School was closed yesterday because of all the loose power lines. I don't know what happened today. I opted to stay home myself, since the wind is ferocious and I don't absolutely need to be anywhere. I can't imagine the work crews have everything cleaned up yet.

March has been a blast so far!

Martha

PS. Check out the pictures. Windy days

Windy Wednesday

I stopped to drop off some papers to my favorite Hannah this morning and came upon my favorite Bethany. It was the perfect surprise! I got to snuggle two babies!!! Good thing I had my camera along.

The day was bright, sunny, and pleasant. The wind kicked up a little after noon and turned the city and surrounding areas into a bit of chaos. Lots of downed trees and power lines, branches everywhere, and a few flying trampolines. Empty tractor trailer trucks were eventually banned from the highways, traffic lights went out making multiple 4-way stops, and rush hour commutes doubled and tripled in time. A tree came down on a car in the work parking lot,

and Bethany had the foresight (or maybe a whisper from God) to move two of her vehicles out of the driveway before the pine tree came crashing down. The third one had a dead battery and the tree landed directly behind it, tickling the back bumper as it dropped.

Still Here

I'm still here, wanting to write, but not knowing how to let the thoughts and feelings flow... There are so many things in life we don't put out there for the entire world to see, things we either hold inside or whisper only to our closest friends. Prayers that tumble out through tears and trembling...

The sun is bright today and spring promises to arrive as usual. I'm off to work. Yesterday's eight hours was especially long. My friend took a tumble and spent the entire day in bed. She's bruised but apparently not broken.

That lady in the photo is my grandma who had a passion for gardening. Her yard was never without flowers during the spring and summer. I'd like to be just like her, but lack of time and energy constrains me, not to mention rocks.

Brutal

It's brutal out there.

On Wednesday I left my jacket in the car when I went into work. I wore short sleeves and was very comfortable. The wind kicked up on Wednesday evening, all through the night, and straight through to morning. The temperature dropped 40 degrees. It got cold. Last night the wind kicked up some more making the already cold out of doors brutally cold. The internet tells me it's 19 degrees with a windchill that makes it feel like 4. The chickens did not cross the road today. I'm pretty sure they stayed down under the barn as much out of the wind as possible.

I went to visit my youngest daughter and her wee one today. The baby was sleeping when I arrived but woke up not too much later. At one point she handed him to me. I said hello and smiled. He looked into my my eyes, made the saddest face ever, and burst into tears. I think Hannah was embarrassed, but I only laughed. I think he's getting attached to his momma, and that is a very good thing. Besides, he was so cute with that pouty little lip.


Nassa, the puppy, is learning tricks. The Cabinet Maker is working hard to train her and keep her busy. She already knows sit, lay down, beg, stay, come (sometimes), and crawl, and is working on dance and roll over. She's been good about staying in her crate when we're busy and going potty outside. (She goes potty outside, not us.) You can see the thought process in her expression and she appears to enjoy learning new things. She's an interesting little creature.

Facing My Giants

My biggest fears in life surround my children. Not much different from any other parent out there. I desperately want them to know that I did everything I knew to teach them, love them, and protect them. I believe I was a good mom, but even good moms can't shield their children from every harm. I only want them to know that I would give my right arm to fix all the pain, to right all the wrongs, to be given the chance to do it over again.

I fear I may have not filled their boxes with all the tools necessary to get them through life. I fear that I have shortchanged them in my effort to protect them from the world. I fear substance abuse, death/serious injuries, and atheism. And I fear they will misunderstand me, think me foolish, or in their pain disregard my love for them altogether.

They all struggle, because life is made up of struggles. I am past being able to kiss away the pain or brush away the dirt. I have to let them go, let them do it on their own now, even when everything inside of me wants to spin the clock backward, hold them close, and rock them through the hurt once again. Instead I must entrust them to the one who saw their being while it was yet unformed (Psalm 139:16) and know that although I may never see it to fruition, He has a plan for each and every one of their lives. Sometimes it's just hard to trust.

And the pictures? That silly puppy who dances about The Lumberjack's feet and chews up his firewood. Because we all need something to smile about.

The Return of Old Man Winter

Winter blew back in a day late, and so March started out like a lamb (kind of) rather than a lion. The lion is definitely awake and roaring today. In fact, that lion roared all night long and left a bit of snow tossed about on the ground this morning. We went from mid 60's all the way down into the 20's in less than 24 hours. Fun stuff.

It's Possible

Maybe I'll post something new tomorrow. It could happen.

Big wind here tonight. It was close to 70 degrees today and we're expecting a few snowflakes tomorrow...