Monday morning my sister Priscilla and I attended the calling hours of an old friend and neighbor. Gretchen was more my friend than that of my sisters. We didn't really hang out together when we were in school, we did that more with her brother, but Gretchen always knew I cared about her. Last Thursday my telephone rang and on the other end of the line was my friend Adam, calling to tell me that his sister had passed away early that morning.
Gretchen had sent me a Facebook note back in early January informing me that she had been diagnosed with cancer the day after Christmas and soon after had started chemo.
" I don't want any of my family to know. I moved on from them." she told me. "The out come is not good but I am going to beat it."
I didn't really know what to say. I fumbled about for a bit on my end. Gretchen had always been the dramatic kind. When she told stories it was impossible to decipher fact from fiction. Her only brother is like a brother to my sisters and I, yet I knew she hadn't spoken to him in years. She had disowned both her parents along with her oldest son when he was still a child. "I'm sorry to hear that," I wrote. "Will keep you in my prayers." It seemed lame, but I wasn't sure how much to draw out the conversation. I am ashamed now. It was the last time I talked to her.
I don't know what this friend of mine dealt with growing up, I only know that she was a soul in pain, and she reacted to that pain by fighting. Her life was mostly painful and unsettled. Trouble seemed to plague her, but she was stubborn and resolute. If she got knocked down, she came up fighting. She was a woman bent on making it in a man's world. She wore high heeled shoes and mini skirts, and drove a tow truck, sometimes at the same time. She competed in beauty pageants, rode motorcycles, and drove snowplows. She loved men in uniforms; police officers, firemen, EMT's, and soldiers, and she had a strong opinion. I never found the urge (or courage) to challenge her and looked to avoid confrontation, sometimes by avoiding conversation, but never by avoiding her. If I chanced to see her out and about, I always stopped to say hello and see how things were going.
When my older children were small I babysat Gretchen's oldest son. I think he was about 6 or 7 years old, the same as my Bethany. Gretchen was driving snowplow that winter and would bring her son in my house to sleep on the couch well before I came downstairs in the morning. It was our agreement and it worked well. Sometimes when he went home from school on the bus the house was empty and he would call me on the phone. "Martha? My mom isn't home. Can you come and get me?" he'd ask and I would.
When Gretchen's husband went off to military training, I held her while she cried. When her second child, who had just begun to pull herself up and walk around the furniture, began to cry each time her mother put her down, we both found ourselves concerned. It was as though the baby was in pain and I encouraged Gretchen to follow her gut and take her to the doctor. It turned out that the baby had leukemia. (Today she is 22 years old.) And, when she struggled to come to terms with a third pregnancy when her daughter was still an infant, I was able to encourage her with the news that I was pregnant too. Although they've never even met, my son Ben and her son were born just days apart.
I sat in the church yesterday with my sister and looked at the grieving family across the aisle; an older brother who hardly knew his younger siblings, a grandmother who raised the older son and was denied a relationship the younger two, and Gretchen's own brother who was and is so very much like a brother to me. I watched the oldest son lean over and kiss his little sister and then his brother. I marveled at how the men in this family all had clean shaven heads and facial hair even though they barely knew each other, and I watched as a young woman grieving the loss of her mother, clung to her grandma and cried, and I ached inside for what should have been.
There are too many people in the world who decide to cut family members out of their lives,who give up on those they should hold on to, and who hold onto the pride and grudges they should let go of. I have friends and family members who know the pain of severed relationships and unanswered questions, and I know a bit of that too. Sometimes we have to let our loved ones go in order to gain them back again. I had to because the good memories needed to live on. I couldn't allow myself to be eaten up by bitter thoughts and unforgiveness. My prayer for this wounded family is that they will learn to love and forgive and be an example of love and forgiveness to a hurting world around them.
We jumped directly from short sleeves and flip flops to layered clothing and shoes with socks in just two days. I guess I can be doubly thankful for the load of wood waiting just off the back porch. It arrived Thursday afternoon and is getting stacked a little at a time. I did a little, and Hannah and S. did a good chunk yesterday afternoon. (I rewarded them with warm apple pie and ice cream...) 
As much as I love fall, and as much as I look forward to the cool, crisp autumn temperatures, I wasn't quite prepared to say goodbye to summer quite yet. Don't we have another week left? Ah, well, I would have missed it anyway. I'm going back to summer for the next week and I intend to enjoy every minute of it. I'll worry about long sleeves and sweaters when I get to Minnesota, and hopefully by the time I come home again there will be some pretty autumn colors to enjoy.
It turned suddenly cold, windy, and rainy. It was a pie building kind of day, so while I was out to the bank and grocery store, I bought a bag of apples. My favorite guy helped me with the apple peeler and I stirred up a nice big bowl of pie filling. While Hannah and S. stacked firewood, I assembled pies and popped them into the oven.
I am going to need to give away a few pies here and there this fall. They're so much fun to make and so bad for me to eat. Good thing I have lots of boys.
Photos from our time outside this afternoon. Last night's wind blew in some cooler temperatures and we've pulled out shoes, socks, and sweaters. I considered baking cookies this morning, but wasn't sure I wanted the temptation in my house. I mostly wanted to warm up my kitchen. Probably should have baked a loaf of bread.
I'm gearing up for my September vacation and getting excited. I leave for Wanda's house on Tuesday morning. We'll have four fun filled days together before I take off for Minneapolis on Saturday morning. Packing for different temperature zones should be interesting. Then again, the forecast for Minnesota doesn't look too bad...
Kid's meals are typically a tad smaller than the average size lunch. I saw that I could get a bowl of soup, a half a sandwich, or a salad (Caesar or garden). I decided to order a bowl of soup for my "kid's meal" and then my favorite Fuji Apple Chicken salad which I would pay for out of pocket. I placed my order and watched the cashier get only slightly confused. I handed her a $20 bill but she handed it back and told me I didn't owe a thing. Now I was slightly confused.
Our Saturday travels took us to "Once Upon A Child" where I found a highly intriguing rack or two of child-sized costumes. There were monkey suits, plenty of pumpkin outfits, and even a zebra costume, but one costume in particular caught my eye. It was a dinosaur suit, a T-Rex suit actually. Very cool! I looked at the size. Too small for my "older" grandchildren, but just right for a couple of the smaller ones. I decided to splurge. Ha ha! Aren't they adorable? 
We tried it on Aubrey after the baby shower yesterday. I think the boys were just a little disappointed that they were too big for it. It sure looked like a lot of fun!
What a beautiful day it was! This afternoon we celebrated the soon arrival of my newest grandson with a baby shower at Bethany's house. It was a lovely occasion.
The gathering was small, just our immediate family, Aunt Margie, and our favorite Morgan. We also had a few small children whose daddy was unexpectedly away for the afternoon. 
The new momma was looking radiant and ready to pop at any moment. (Isn't she cute?) Oh, goodness! I don't know if this small child will wait until I come home from my vacation at the end of September!
Once the formalities were over, we settled down to a cup of coffee or tea and enjoyed our time together.
It was a very nice afternoon if I do say so myself!
I woke up with one of those funky head- aches, the kind I dread and typically blame on hormone fluxes. I took my daily vitamins and allergy medicine, topped them off with some ibuprofen, and called it breakfast. (ha ha! Not really. I ate rice chex and raisins.) My coffee has been tasting poor lately. I blamed it on the coffee the first few days, but now I'm thinking my creamer is likely less than fresh even though the date stamped on the container claims it is. I took my coffee at Dunkin Donuts instead today. (Thanks, Brenda!)
