I did it. I took the fork. (No, it wasn't a real fork, and yes, I know I am a complete weirdo.)
I spent yesterday and Wednesday at the nursing home caring for the residents, all the while trying to figure out what to do with the predicament I have found myself in. I love the people and I enjoy caring for them. I don't mind foul smells, ghastly messes, or old, misshapen and naked bodies. By the grace of God I can love these people, and I do. Some of them actually look for me (imagine that!) and I am blessed. That's what makes doing something different so hard.
As I wrestled this morning with what to do, I begged God to send me a sign. I wrote a letter of resignation and knew full well it had to be turned in today. I printed two copies, signed one, then set it aside and struggled within... This afternoon I made a "somewhat" choked up call to my oldest daughter (I didn't mean for my voice to crack...) who shared a little of what her father had told her over lunch yesterday. She suggested I call him and assured me he would be supportive. (I, the ever-insecure, had not been so certain.) I took a little bit of time to try and compose myself and soon the phone rang. It was not My Darling on the other end, but someone I had talked to on Monday about a different job. (I believe she was the answer to that prayer...)
Next week I will go for a physical and get my paperwork in order for a
new job, one with (hopefully) less stress. I'll be starting out as a
hands-off companion caregiver and can easily move on, if I so choose
(with another 8 hours of training), to being a certified home health
aide. I'll be working one on one rather than running to and from patients all day. I'm sure there it will be harder in
some aspects and easier in others. I am absolutely certain my feet will
be happier and I think I'll sleep better at night. Who knows? I might even catch up with my housework... (It could happen.)
So, even though it was not my very favorite thing to do, I turned in that letter of resignation.
Becoming my Mother
18 minutes ago