A Few Thoughts

No lake trip this evening. It was probably beautiful and I probably missed running into a friend, but I didn't go tonight. I had an appointment at physical therapy where I saw a PT about the pain in my back. She agreed with the doctor's opinion that my sacroiliac joint is the cause of my lower back pain and has given me some exercises to strengthen my glutes. I am optimistic and eager to be rid of this pain in the butt.

The mind continues to roll and ponder. I will, in all likelihood, always carry some degree of cognitive dissonance regarding my divorce, but I am hopeful that these thought processes will no longer cripple me. I stopped at my old church to drop something off to James yesterday afternoon and ran into a couple of women from my old Ladies' Prayer group. One of them is especially dear. We shared a long tight hug and I told her I loved her. She is a great source of encouragement to my children and for this I am entirely thankful. I'm not entirely sure what to think when they tell me, "I'm praying for you." I said thank you, but deep inside I'd really like to know exactly what they're asking God to do... Ugh.

 I've been thinking the last couple of days about April and how it was so very sad for me. It's a month full of memories, but there is something else this year I realized I've been grieving and that is the loss of my favorite tulip, the one I moved from the farm when I came to live in my childhood home. I thought she was in a safe spot, but she was lost when Sergio moved the little Japanese maple tree from up by the house out into the yard. I knew back then that she was probably gone, but I'd held onto a shred of hope in her miraculous return. It's hard to admit something as simple as a flower could make my heart hurt, but she represented so much growth, healing and resilience that letting go is painful. It's not as though another can take her place. She taught me so many lessons and I am ever so grateful for the gift she was.

Our smokey skies have cleared. (We were under an air quality advisory for a couple of days due the Canadian wildfires in Ontario and Quebec.) There were puffy, white clouds and blue skies this afternoon. I can't even imagine what it must be like for those in the thick of it.