An emotional week has come to a close but thoughts and questions linger. I guess there is not much to say except that I found the funeral service to be heart breaking, but aren't they all? There are always the "what if's" and the "if only's" that we must learn from and then leave behind. I found that there are not always a multitude of fond memories to draw comfort from, and that once again, people grieve in different ways. We found a clash of cultures, languages, customs and religions. In a way it felt like we were on the outside looking in but strangely belonging on the inside, though we couldn't quite get there. Hard to explain...We witnessed a Buddhist funeral and military honors followed by a Christian service. We met with a small group of family members with whom we shared tears and long hugs. It was a new experience, something I will carry with me for many days to come.
Oh dear Martha,
ReplyDeleteThat must have been so heartbreaking for both of you.
My heart goes out to you, I think I know how you felt, there are some loved ones who cannot be reached.
I have always found encountering other cultures and customs enlightening
ReplyDeleteJoy, as long as there is life, there is still hope. You have my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJudi, encountering other customs and cultures can bring insight, but our enlightenment comes from Christ and Him alone. This was not a case of needing enlightenment, but a heart rending realization that the longing of a child's heart for his father was never to be fulfilled. The Buddhist service was lost to us as there was no translation from Thai to English. Maybe Kim (http://kimikoscreation.blogspot.com/) understands it better than we do, then again maybe she is really struggling with all the same things as her brother.
You took this opportunity to learn what?
ReplyDeleteI read Kim's blog. Seems the father reached out to the one he felt would bridge the way for his adopted daughter. I find that enlightening in it self.
Judi, I think you misunderstand where my heart is coming from. You assume things you know nothing about. You do not know who reached out to who in the lives of Jim's children or why they hurt so deeply. I did not understand either until I stood for a moment in their shoes. I have an enlightened view of my husband's hurting heart and those of my sisters in law, including Kim who is also deeply hurt. You, on the other hand haven't really a clue.
ReplyDeleteexactly my point, hard to express sorrow for some thing only hinted at.
ReplyDelete"We found a clash of cultures, languages, customs and religions. In a way it felt like we were on the outside looking in but strangely belonging on the inside, though we couldn't quite get there. Hard to explain..." The only clue you gave.
That wasn't Papa it was me judi.
ReplyDeleteMartha, I know how Chip feels. Although it would seem that I had more of a connection with dad, but not a lot. I think my connection came in the feeling that I could somehow never connect with my mother and sisters. Dad was my connection to family. Martha, you have always made me feel like your family, completely. But I never had that with the the rest of the family. Dad gave me just enough to make me feel like he really did love me, even if we never got to share our childhood with him. He never called much, and didn't send Christmas gifts, or whatever else a father does. I always wondered what it would be like to have a father. I found that out though, I found my father in heaven. He loves me no matter how bad I can be. He is always there when I cry and need to sit in his lap to find comfort. He has taught me how to be a good parent, and taught my husband the same. Anything I lack in that area is my own selfishness. So I was fulfilled in Him. Don't get me wrong, I would love to go with dad on a fishing trip, and hear him laugh again, to lift his leg, as he walks down the hallway. I would love to have been a very real part of his life, and do so in the future also. But That chance is gone for us. But is not gone for the family I have left. My Brother, sisters, and mother. We don't see eye to eye, or share the same values, But we are family. We still have that chance. We still have the chance to do that for my children also. Yes my heart aches for this loss, and I will miss him so much. I also have new insight into his world, and hope of seeing him in the future. The Thai culture is interesting, as is any other culture. I find it quite amazing that we all started in the same place, and turned out so different. Imani is now a part of our lives, and I won't make the same mistake that I made with dad. I will make sure she knows about our Lord, and knows, that I care for and love her. I will do that for him, and for HIM. I guess this comment turned out to be more babbling than anything, but I hope you understand my heart a bit better. I hurt for my brother, in that he did not have dad in his life. But God knew that, and He gave him an even better dad in Martha's dad. He could have not asked for more. I love you Martha, and Chip
ReplyDeleteKim, thank you for coming and leaving a little bit of your heart. The brother who doesn't see eye to eye, of course, is not the brother who stood with you and Lori in California. (This is clarification for others.)
ReplyDeleteJudi, I don't know what to say. My heart is hurt and your comments were taken as cruel and thoughtless.
After reading all the comments, Martha... I feel like I will just go to my knees and prayer for comfort and peace to all, and salvation for those who need Jesus.
ReplyDeleteThank you for always being honest Martha... I love you for it.
Love and Hugs
Wanda
Thank you, Wanda. Prayer is the best of all healing balms.
ReplyDeleteI love you too.
Yes. James, and I are Christians first, We love your spouses, and our children. We have large families, and homeschool our children. We see eye to eye. I would love to be able to spend more time with him though, getting to know more than that his favorite color is blue. I think we came away knowing the time is now. We will stay in touch better, and more often. I love the man he has become, and I am so very proud to call him my brother. JUST TO CLARIFY> I also know that my dear sister in law has a gentle and quiet spirit and is a peacemaker. She never says a bad thing about anyone, Martha exudes Gods love. We could all learn so much by watching her life. She sees the beauty in everyone and everything. Martha has been a real gift to my brother, and our family. I could learn a lot from her. Like how to make a good pie.lol
ReplyDeleteMartha,
ReplyDeleteYou are right in saying as long "as there is life there is hope". That is why we pray until then and I don't intend to give up.
I am glad you were able to go.
ReplyDelete