Our Aunt Margie

My sisters and I went to visit our Aunt Margie on Friday afternoon. Born just 15 months before Mom made her appearance in the world, they grew up close although entirely different as sisters often are. Mom was the more social, Aunt Margie more reserved, and yet it was Aunt Margie who had the full time job at Xerox and she who held the driver's license Mom never obtained.

There was a long period of time in my childhood when Mom and Aunt Margie were not on speaking terms. I'm sure there were wrongs and misunderstandings on both sides of the aisle. That's how it goes with relationships. When I was old enough to cross Main Street (I think I was 9...), I would walk or ride my bike to the village of Webster to play with my cousin Pam at their apartment while Aunt Margie worked.

Though Mom and Aunt Margie's relationship was strained, my aunt was always kind and welcoming. She invited me for supper, took us out shopping, and loved me. I am blessed to have those memories I would otherwise have missed. By the time I "grew up" and my children began to arrive, Mom and Aunt Margie had renewed their relationship. They became fast friends and Aunt Margie was there to welcome each and every child of mine, to celebrate birthdays, and special occasions. She showered us with gifts and cards, bags of chocolate, homemade Christmas cookies, and most of all, love.

In later years when Mom's memory began to fail, Aunt Margie remained her constant friend and

visitor. When Mom's conversation with others fell short and sometimes silent, her sister would fill in the gap. She never stopped coming, usually on Thursday afternoons, and with her came a bag of candy, some fresh fruit or a box of cookies, a new puzzle, and always a gift for Mom at Christmas or on her birthday. It was Aunt Margie who took Mom out for dinner dates with their brother, my Uncle Chuck.

I found myself looking at her time and again on Friday, trying to store a mental picture of the woman in front of me, the one with straight gray hair and familiar smiling eyes... She'd told my sisters that she had been to the hairdresser there in the care facility where they washed her hair and it turned that color... She's been there nearly 2 years now but her things are still packed in boxes because "someone is coming to take me home in a couple weeks..." She's not sure why she is there, "It's a place for people with Alzheimer's and dementia" she tells us. "They brought me here by mistake."

I find myself sometimes sad and reflective... but also grateful for the faith that this is not all we have to look forward to. There is a God who loves us, one who knows our frame and remembers that we are but dust. A God who made a way, who paid the price, so that we could have hope beyond what often seems so hopeless here. Aunt Margie is almost 85 now...

North of the Border

Yesterday morning (which seems like just yesterday on one hand and a long time ago on the other), I hopped into my vehicle with my overnight bag and headed for Canada. I crossed the border without incident and arrived at my destination just a little over three hours after leaving home. Somewhere between Fort Erie and Niagara Falls I called my husband for clarification on directions and discovered my phone was a bit persnickety in a foreign country. (Did you know Canadians are foreign? Ha ha! Or maybe we are... :0) )

My bloggy friend Linda made us a delicious lunch and we had a wonderful visit. It was our first face to face meeting, and the first time I've gone to another country to meet one of my friends. The time flew by and it was soon time for me to go. I did not turn around and head for home. That wouldn't be any fun. Instead I headed for the home of my (husband's) cousin Tracy and her husband Jim. We shared dinner, pie and ice cream, and talked until the wee hours of the morning, whereupon we decided if I was to arrive at work on time today, it might be a good idea to go to bed.

I left Tracy's at about 8:15 am and headed back toward Rochester. Three hours later I was at work and on time. It was a nice, but very short and slightly tiring trip. I think if I do it again, I'd like to have a little more time to meander. There are a lot of things to see and do in the Niagara Region.

No photos of me and Tracy. We were just too tired. But there are a few nice ones of Linda and me.

Starship Applepies

It's pie baking season. The apples are ready and the air has a certain crispness (not to be confused with "Christmas"). I spent the afternoon in the kitchen. My new kitchen is beautiful, but I don't know where anything is anymore. I felt a little bit discombobulated. I have no clue whether or not I kept my apple peeler/slicer. If I did keep it, Where I put it is a mystery.

Tomorrow I am going on a journey. I am taking apple pies and going to meet my friend Linda for lunch. After my time with Linda, I will meet up with my husband's cousin Tracy. If things work out, I will see a childhood friend as well. It's a long drive. I just might stay overnight with Tracy and drive back in time for work on Tuesday morning. Guess I should pack an overnight bag, just in case.

Friday Happenings

Today was a quiet kind of day. After lunch I decided to take a ride out to the nursing home in Sodus to visit some friends.

I signed the visitor's log and headed down the hall to find My Coloring Friend, but when I peeked into her room her bed was neatly made and she was missing. I had arrived on a rare day. She was out of bed, had been to the hairdresser, and was eating her lunch in the library. Another resident was there too and she kept us entertained with her antics. I found myself smiling and enjoying the visit. (I really should take a notebook along so I don't forget the funny things the residents say.) It was Ice Cream Social Day in the activities room and today I was able to sit with a few of the ladies and enjoy a bowl of ice cream rather than have to run off and be a CNA. It was a nice couple of hours.

This evening we had some surprise visitors when my boys returned to finish the trimming job they started on my bushes yesterday. My daughter in law and the kids came along too. Leta doesn't do gardening so she brought along her bag of nail polish and painted my toes for me. (She's my favorite!) I did a bit of trampoline jumping with the kids. It left me feeling dizzy for way too long afterward. I've decided I either need to get up there more often (it's a good workout), or stay down altogether.

It was a good day. Tomorrow we have a graduation party to attend. I've made two pretty jellos to take along. No fruit or vegetables in it, just jello and Dream Whip. It's our favorite kind.

California Blogging

I had to smile this morning as I looked through some of my California photos. Wanda knew just how to immediately put me at ease. When I arrived at the airport she was waiting for me at the bottom of the escalator. Before I even found my suitcase, I'd received a welcoming smile and been enveloped in a warm hug. It was a great beginning.

There were pretty lunches (and breakfasts) at Wanda's house. Strawberries and green grapes were served with sandwiches on paper plates, and we sipped iced tea from stemware. It was the perfect blend of plain and fancy even if I didn't notice that particular combination until I came back home. There were plenty of meals served on pretty glass plates and every meal was full of love. I am taking lessons and making mental notes.

Wanda and I wandered thrift stores in search of treasure, visited Wanda's good friend Elizabeth in the home for senior ladies, and had long heart to heart talks over coffee and scones. At night, before drifting off to sleep there was always a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. Just what my "heart that misses my own mom" needed.

I found myself enchanted by Don's morning routine of sitting in his
rocking chair out on the balcony, Bible on his lap, whispering his prayers for the new day. It reminded me of my own dad, sitting in his patio room in his rocking chair, Bible on his lap, whispering his morning prayers...

Southern California was wrapped up in a heat wave when I made my arrival Tuesday, the 16th of September. It was about 105ºF when I stepped off the plane and reminded me of a day a little over 33 years ago when I arrived in Albuquerque, New Mexico and it was 109ºF. That kind of heat beats down from above and then bounces back up from the pavement to make sure you are "well done" on both sides. It doesn't really matter whether it's "dry" or not, it'll have you feeling crispy in no time.

PS. I "captured" Wanda's elusive butterfly and that thing did not hold still ever! Even at rest he was flapping his wings like crazy. I think it's a swallowtail.

Out to Lunch

Today we caught up with a friend from years ago. Roger is in town for some training with Xerox. We met him at his hotel this morning and went to church together in Webster. After church we planned to get lunch and spend some time visiting. The trick was finding a place to eat.

It was a little bit after one o'clock when we left the church. We decided to stop at a local Italian restaurant. The door was unlocked, but they were not open for lunch. They were hosting a baby shower. The Japanese restaurant a few door down wasn't open at all. Since Italian was still on our minds, we headed down by the bay and stopped at Basil's. They were serving brunch. The wait for three was about half an hour and they wanted the restaurant cleared out by three o'clock so they could get ready for the dinner hour... We began to wonder if we would find a place to eat at all.

We were looking for a place to eat that didn't have big screen TV's or overpowering music. It wasn't in our plan to fight technology in order to carry on a conversation with a friend we hadn't seen in 25 years, and since we knew Carrabba's to be more friendly to personal interaction, we headed there. We had eaten our appetizers, finished our meals, declined dessert, and had the check in hand when the waitress came over and said, "Wait a minute, I have something for you."

We didn't know quite what to think as we glanced around and wondered what in the world she might have. She returned a few minutes later with a plate of ice cream with a fancy glaze and candied walnuts, and three spoons. "This is from my friend Jared," she said, "He's the server with the spiky hair."

Talk about confused! We were full but didn't want to appear ungrateful to the mysterious Jared. We glanced around to see who this generous stranger might be and soon a spiky haired server showed up at our table. He was smiling. "I always watch to see if I see people I know," he told us, "and then I surprise them." James said his mind was spinning through all the people we knew wondering where to place the spiky haired young man before us, but I recognized him right away. We went to church with his family years ago, and he is the uncle of my little friend, Harper.

The Busy Before the Storm

It was a busy day and busy days are good. I went to Ladies' Prayer and Bible study this morning. It's always encouraging to be surrounded by friends, especially friends who pray for each other.

After Bible study I went to meet my mom's friend, Barb, for lunch. (Never pull your chin in while taking a photo... ick) We walked from her little cottage apartment in the senior center, over to a little cafe where we met her daughter. I have to say, I was blessed and I hope they were too. We shared some memories, some caregiver experiences (her husband has memory issues), and some hugs. At her home she showed me family photos and I met her Christmas kitten who keeps her husband company when she has to step out of the house.

Tonight I went to my dementia caregivers support group meeting. I felt like I needed to go back at least one more time and be with the group who have attempted to encourage and support me through the last two years. A couple of them in particular have become very special to me. It's a group I'm going to miss.

It looks like tomorrow will be a quiet day. School has been cancelled ahead of the impending snow storm. It's hard to believe that we will crawl into bed after a high of 54ºF and wake up to a blizzard. It still about 44ºF now, my driveway is a muddy mess, and the roads are clear and dry.