Friday, October 06, 2017

Watching My Steps

Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.
Proverbs 2:11

I have been here in this little attic bedroom for 10 weeks. It's the bedroom I once shared with my sister, the one tucked under the roof of my childhood home. It's not a strange place, but it's a strange place to be. It feels very much like I dropped out of my own universe and into an alternate one. I should be home in a different bedroom, in the bed I've shared with my husband for two thirds my life and all of my adult years. I should be looking forward to quiet evenings at home and lazy weekends traipsing about with the Barefoot Lumberjack, but I am here instead...

I can't share our story, or how we ended up like this. I can only say that we are both wounded and bleeding. I would that time could heal the wounds. People tell me God can do the impossible, and I know in my heart that is true, but sometimes God's impossible is guiding us through to the other side of the unexpected, and He is doing that. I don't know today exactly what is on the other side, but I do know He is good and He loves each of us more than we could ever imagine.

I've been wading through the book of Proverbs, looking for answers and finding a lot of verses about wisdom, guidance, and following right paths. Nothing specific, just counsel to seek out God's will and not lean on my own understanding... Hard stuff because so little of where I'm at makes any sense to me, but He is showing me there is a purpose to all I am facing and the hard things He has urged me to do. Even if I don't understand. Even if others don't understand. And even if some of my own children don't understand.

Praying is hard. Reading my Bible is hard. Not because I am angry with God or feel abandoned, but because I am so tired spiritually. I'm still on the path, walking when I'm strong and being carried when I'm weak, growing stronger and not near as discouraged, thankful for my job, for friends and family, and this little room in the attic (because God provided long ago for this very day).

8 comments:

  1. ...I hope that you find peace.

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  2. In the great design of the universe...God has you in that little prepared room. I have not shared on line, or even personally with you our drama right now. But every family deals with it. However, you have been dealing with this a very long time. And being spiritually weary is a place we all find ourselves. I pray soon the Lord will reveal to you what wonderful work he is doing in your life. Love and Hugs forever.

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    1. Thank you. Especially for your prayers. I love you so much!

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    2. Everyone has a story Martha....
      Not always a fairy tale life...
      Wanda is so right...and smart....ans she loves you πŸ’“
      Thinking of you often...
      LindaπŸ’•

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  3. Martha, I love you too. You wouldn't believe how often you are on my heart, and that I pray for you. :)

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    1. Thank you so much, 16.
      I hope you and your beautiful daughter have the time of your life in Ireland.
      Maybe we can catch up sometime after you return.

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  4. My favorite book of the Bible to read in moments like this is Psalms. There is just something I can relate to in pouring my hurt and broken heart out to God.

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