A friend recently asked how I was doing when I find myself alone. I answered that I was doing okay, and honestly, I am doing alright. Most days. But there are moments when a deep sadness washes over and I find myself lonesome and brokenhearted. The best way to describe the situation is "It's hard." There isn't a whole lot more to say.
Tonight I am tired, but I am making progress. I may not always be certain of the destination, I may need to set up camp and sit for a day or two, but I do know I'm headed in the right direction even if the path is winding. I'm climbing the mountain and mostly grateful for the slow upward climb. A steep grade would be insurmountable, especially with loose rock and unfamiliar terrain to traverse. Sometimes I need to stop and rest, or tie my shoe laces again, but I am moving forward. Today I am here. Tomorrow may find me in a new location with fresh sights and new hope, or perhaps facing dark shadows and more heartache. I hope and pray it is the former. I don't think I can handle anything more.
Much of where life takes us is in the decisions we make and whether or not we choose wisely. Today, and most days, I am petrified of making those decisions. but I won't go forward without them. I have a scripture verse here in my room, one from the book of Proverbs. I posted it a few weeks back. Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.
Proverbs 2:11. I pray God grants me both discretion and understanding. I really need both.