Call them coincidences or call them answers to prayer, either way I am always amused when the same subject comes up randomly multiple times in a day.
"What do you need?" he asked me (and he's been asking for months upon months). It's not like I don't try to be prepared. I always know he's going to ask, but I never know how to answer. My mind always goes blank as soon as the question is posed, and it was no different on Monday. I'd already been rolling it around in my mind previous to talking with him, and I left rolling it around as well. "Keep track and write them down as you notice them," he'd suggested.
I went to work mulling it over, and on to my support group meeting pondering it too. "How do you tell the difference between wants and needs?" I'd asked someone before the group got started. He told me it was a good question and would have to give it some thought, and on we went. Then this came up in one of the readings...
Codependents often... are unable to to identify or ask for what they need and want.
In recovery... I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it's necessary and appropriate.
Food, clothing, and shelter. Those are always put out there as our needs and everything else is touted as a "want," but we have spiritual, emotional, and mental needs as well. I need friends, I need to be loved and cherished, and I need to know I have worth and am worthy. I need connection, I need sleep, and I need to be happy at least some of the time. I need to cry when I am sad and I need an outlet when I'm angry. I need to pray and know He hears and I need answers even if I have to wait for them. Once in a while I need a cup of coffee. I need some money in my bank account, even if it's just a little. Some days I need a long walk. Every day I need a shower. Yesterday I needed a haircut... And I need to know that even if my friends and family don't always agree with me, that my perspective counts for something and I am loved in spite of not always seeing things from their point of view. I need to be honest, and I need honesty from others.
I'm not sure if this is the kind of list he was looking for, and I'm still mulling over what to answer when he asks again (because he surely will), but perhaps I will have a better answer next time than I have in the past. And now I "need" to turn off this computer and go take that shower.
Fancy Swimming Hole.
7 hours ago