A Little Blog Post and Some Pictures

 I've started new posts twice in the past week, but they remain unpublished. (I went to a local corn maze with a friend last Saturday, as well as another outing with my sister on Sunday... It was a beautiful weekend.) Maybe it's because I've been getting up so early for work the past week, but mostly my concentration has been off. It's so much easier to post photographs and scroll through Facebook...

If I am honest, total transparency here has become more difficult. It's become easier in person, but harder on a social media platform, especially because I don't know who my audience includes. I remain keenly aware of my own ability to inadvertently wound those I love, as well as mislead those who are unaware of our true story. I'm learning a little more about myself each day, like how I think and why I respond in certain ways, but I don't always have words to explain those things.

I'm also learning how to spend time alone and although it's not always easy, it's not miserable either. I am beginning to enjoy my moments of solitude as much as I enjoy spending time with my friends and family. This afternoon I went for a walk in the woods at a local park. (I learned from a fellow hiker that it might not be the safest place to walk during bow hunting season, but previous to that tidbit of information I'd felt quite safe and peaceful.) The lake and the woods. Much more peaceful than Barnes and Noble or Hobby Lobby, although they will likely have to do in the winter.

A couple weeks ago I neglected to attend an outdoor gathering. It was especially hard to tell my son and daughter in law that I wouldn't be there. We all want so much to pretend everything is okay when it isn't, and my mind wants to rationalize the irrational as well. This is my most difficult battle and I am coming to understand the battle is universal. I'm not the only one struggling to come to terms with situations I can't understand. It's part of the reason I was asked to step out of the Step Study a year and a half ago. At least that part is beginning to make a little bit of sense in my mind.

In other news, I locked myself out of my car again on Saturday afternoon. My car keys were once again smiling at me from their position on the driver's seat while I was on the other side of the window. Ironically, I had just paid my AAA membership online the night previous. I've learning not to let this silly game get me too ruffled. It feels so much better to laugh at it instead.

And So ...

I found a brand new refrigerator/freezer in my kitchen at work this morning. Pretty fabulous even if I do have to bend down to see inside. No more stashing milk in tiny, infant room units, and there should be plenty of room to stash ice cream for this summer's fund raiser (that I hate with a passion).

I've been taking a new route to work the past few days. A surprise detour sign appeared Tuesday morning almost making me late. Good thing I drive fast. Ha ha! There isn't an especially quick detour since getting to work involves crossing the canal, but as long as I know to drive a different route, I can get there in the same amount of time as usual. (The photo was taken on my way home on Monday while we waited for a train.)

This afternoon I was up to my old tricks. Hannah and I decided to make a quick run to Target in her car. Before leaving I stopped to roll up my car windows and grab a few things out of the console. As I got into her car I realized I'd forgotten my face mask. That's when I discovered I'd locked my keys in my car. Again. Ha ha! This time I remembered I have a Triple A membership that James paid for back in October.  He might be happy to know it didn't go to waste. That's twice I've locked myself out of my car in my own driveway.

It's been an emotional week. So much upheaval in the world, so many opposing stories and viewpoints, and so many anniversaries on top of it. I took a look at my blogs from last June and decided even though I feel some strong emotions, I am not at all where I was this time last year. I am more okay with who I am than ever before. This is good.

I had a very long conversation with my friend Sandy this afternoon, much of it about race. I am seeking to understand a different perspective and I love that she is willing to talk with me even though her viewpoint is not that of a typical black American woman. She did not grow up in a country filled with racism as her home country is in the Caribbean. Still she helps me look from a different angle. God continues to stretch and grow me in ways I never imagined.This too is good.

It's About Time

Keys and clocks. They make life interesting...

I have managed to keep track of my keys since last Monday. No major incidents despite letting Idris carry them around the block on our walk the night before Halloween. Just imagine them being dropped down a storm sewer... or lost in a pile of leaves. Thankfully, that did not happen. So far, so good on the keys.

Sometimes I catch a few minutes of sleep on my lunch break. I keep an alarm clock in my car because once I fell asleep and woke up ten minutes after my break ended. They wondered what had happened to me but in actuality I'd never left the parking lot. Today I turned on my alarm, read a few paragraphs in my book, and then closed my eyes. I was having a dream and woke suddenly. I glanced down at my clock and it read 2:58. Adrenaline shot through my system as I jolted upright! How could I have slept an entire hour and a half? Why didn't my alarm go off? Why didn't someone come outside to find me? Where was Megan? She should have been going on break at 2 pm... And then I looked at my phone... It wasn't even 2 o'clock yet. I'd just forgotten to turn my alarm clock back an hour. I back walked across the parking lot to the building, my heart still pounding.

Daylight Saving Time is over for another year and we are back to Standard Time. This is what the world would look like if we never played "Change the Clocks." Yup, it's getting dark early.