Man Haters Club

We don't really hate men, it's just what my cousin's husband calls our Friday night pottery group...

I missed Man Haters Club last week because I was out with Covid and this week's gathering was set to be cancelled due to a patio project at my cousin's house, but rain cancelled the patio project instead. I was selfishly relieved. It was a small gathering this week; three cousins, a friend, and myself. 

I've thrown a few bowls but feel pretty lost lately when it comes to the wheel. I've built a few boxes, fashioned a few figures, and more recently put together a few houses. I have to say, the houses are fun. I need to find and area to specialize in, so I can sell something particular, but I'm still working in that direction.

I've finally found a group that I feel a part of, although there's still that voice in the back of my head that wants to tell me, "They simply tolerate you..." Lies. Lies that have floated around in my head for longer than I can remember. I'm working on telling myself something different.

Two In One

One

My busy week was followed by a sick week. Went to the chiropractor again last Monday and came out feeling suddenly congested. Returned home from work on Tuesday and went right upstairs to bed. Thought I was fighting a sinus infection/allergies. Went to work Wednesday all the time wanting to pull over and go to sleep on the side of the road. Stayed the day even though I felt like I should have stayed home. Started coughing Wednesday evening... Tested positive. (insert eye roll.) Slept most of Thursday, was much better by Friday, went to the parade on Saturday where we sat socially distanced from other festival goers. Stayed home from church Sunday, returned to work masked on Monday. No clue where I picked it up. It doesn't really matter.

Two

I had a bit of a relapse this week and found my emotional balance a bit off. I was tired, teary, and feeling defeated. Identifying and calming emotional triggers is a continual process that typically has to do with home and family.

My elder daughter's mom in law passed away last week. She had been sick for years and her death did not take anyone by surprise. Still, the finality is jolting. There was a small, family graveside service this Monday. I wasn't given a time or invitation to that and that is okay. We were, however, invited to calling hours at my daughter's home from 3-6 pm on Monday afternoon. I had already been out of work due to illness on Thursday and Friday, and taking time off on Monday was not feasible anyway. 

It was 4:20 pm by the time I was able to stop and offer my hugs and condolences and I had a 5 pm appointment with the chiropractor again. The counter in Beth's kitchen was covered with partially eaten cakes and desserts. I had decided to take a cookie on my way out when a former church acquaintance offered, "Kathy made the cheesecake." Kathy. Sweet, beautiful Kathy... I took a piece of cheesecake with a large, red strawberry on top and went to my chiropractor appointment relieved not to have run into either Kathy or the Cabinetmaker, but the trigger had already been set and the emotional dominoes started to topple...

"Home." What is home and where is it? (I'd already been struggling with this question and had asked my friend Dan, "So is home a place or a feeling?" and he had later responded with a quote from e.e. cummings that "showed up in his newsfeed.") Once upon a time "Home" was on the farm with my kids and the Cabinetmaker. Even though life was far from perfect, there was a sense of belonging. I had no idea at the time just how far from perfect life actually was. It took me two years post disclosure, and a friend who said, "I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that the longer you wait the harder its going to be," for me to act on the boundary I knew had to be enforced. If I didn't have the strength and courage to take a stand on this one, I didn't have any strength or courage at all. I set a date and started to put things in order. It was agonizing. I moved away from everything that I loved. Later the Cabinetmake would say, "I've cost you everything you loved and held dear," and he was right. Nothing mattered more than taking that stand against the unthinkable. I had to do it. To leave it undone would have rendered me complicit.

So, I looked around at the place I had loved and called home for 16 years. I considered the man who I had decided to love 36 years prior, and wondered how I could ever explain any of it to anyone, much less my grandchildren who were too young to take in the truth, and when that Saturday in July came, I packed the necessities into the back of my Mazda5 and drove away while James stood sobbing in the driveway. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. harder by far than getting married, moving 2000 miles from home, and having a baby at 17 years old.

I came back to my childhood home, but the home of my childhood was no longer occupied by my parents. Instead it had become the home of my younger daughter and her family. It's been five years now since I moved into the little attic bedroom and although it feels so much more like home than it did when I first returned, the slowly healing heart still has moments when it aches and bleeds and longs to once again belong. 

(This showed up in my newsfeed as I was pondering the e.e cummings quote.)

Life Gets Busy Sometimes

It was a very busy week. Beside working I had something going on each and every evening along with Saturday morning...

Monday- Chiropractor appointment
Tuesday- Helped my cousin with an evening pottery class not far from my work.
Wednesday- Therapist
Thursday- Picked up a futon mattress at Sleep City and took to to my son's new apartment.
Friday- Songbird Man-Haters Club (LOL! Pottery night)
Saturday- morning first aid/CPR class to renew my certificate for work

This morning I went back to church for the first time in three weeks. I was sick one Sunday and last week I spent the morning with my friend Gail. 

I'm finding that life very often takes us full circle. When I was born my parents were attending the Rochester Christian Reformed Church. When I was a year or two old, they became founding members of a new branch of the Christian Reformed Church in Webster. We attended there until I was 15 years old. This past winter I was told by a extended family member how much she enjoyed the pastor at her church. I started listening online and had begun to consider visiting in person when my friend Laura posted a link to a sermon. It was just the encouragement I needed to visit the Rochester Christian Reformed Church. (Sunday's message)

After church Laura and I went out to lunch and then took a ride down to the lake before going to get an ice cream cone at Brewster's. The weekend is coming to a close and this coming week "should" be a little more relaxing.

Mother's Day

Many are the moments when I still find myself in disbelief at what has become of my family. Deep inside I know that it had been unraveling over the course of many years, I mean, I saw loose threads and frayed edges but I had no idea what was causing them. The fabric of our relationship had been damaged beyond repair, yet I kept trying to try the loose ends and patch holes. How was I to know the fabric itself was weak and rotted...

Another Mother's Day has come and gone. It was a beautiful day. Crisp and sunny. Cold and hot. I went out to breakfast with my friend Gail. The restaurant we intended to visit was overflowing, so we took a drive toward Williamson and each got a breakfast sandwich from a little donut shop on Route 104 before heading to her cottage on Lake Ontario. We spent the next few hours scouring the beach for bits of tumbled glass. We were not disappointed. It was a fabulous glass hunting day!

It was early afternoon when I headed back home. A few of my boys came over and we had a nice visit in the backyard before ordering a pizza. They packed a few pieces of furniture for one of them into the back of Ben's truck and headed out around 7 pm. I took Joe home to his apartment and returned home for a little bit of ice cream before heading upstairs. I had just climbed into bed when I heard a vehicle in the driveway and some voices. Soon I was being serenaded in song. "Happy Mother's Day to You..." It was Bethany and a few of my grands. So fun. I had a phone call from my faraway son in Florida. Only one of my children intentionally did not make contact. He's sending us a message. Or trying....

Forgiveness is a powerful tool and I used it many, many times. I used it when it was the right tool for the job, and I used it when I should have been using something much more powerful, but there was so much I didn't know... I can't go back and fix what was so very wrong. All I can do is make better choices today. One of those choices is to stand by the child who has decided to file a deposition against her dad. I stand firmly with her. Some thing are not okay and never will be okay. Today I have more information as to why we were disintegrating and I also have better information on how to respond. Forgiveness is still here, but it isn't the only tool in the box.

Expectation

 I feel like I am in an almost constant state of expectation, except I don't know what I'm waiting for...

 Waiting. Waiting to go home. Waiting for someone to come home. I don't know if this longing will ever disappear. I remember days in the past of laying in bed next to James and feeling a sense of calm connected-ness, of taking my morning coffee out on the back porch on warm, spring mornings when the apple trees were in blossom and feeling peace, of curling up on the couch close to the wood stove during blustery, winter snowstorms and feeling like I belonged. Our kids, at least some of them, were still living at home. I kept the house neat and clean, did the laundry, and made dinner each night. I knew, for the most part, what to expect. And then everything changed.

It's not as though I made a hasty decision, or didn't count the cost... I remember looking around my house, my eyes falling upon the belongings that made it feel like home, and I asked myself if I was willing to leave all of this behind... Of course, thinking about leaving everything and actually doing it are two different things. I had an idea of where I was going, but in reality one never knows exactly how long a journey will take or what will transpire along the way. I moved out of my home and away from James with much fear and uncertainty, and all the courage I could putt together. I did what I had to do, and if given the chance to do it all over again, even though I left a giant piece of me behind, I would do the same.

I recently told a friend that although there are so many things I can now do on my own, the thought of being totally alone forever is terrifying. He said, "See, you really have to not dwell on that. For the simple reason that you don't know what forever is gonna bring. So you look forward to the next thing, right? you look forward to Friday nights throwing pots, you look forward to going to the lake and communing with nature..." And he's right, although there are moments when I can't see through the clouds to what is coming and I feel a little lost in the woods. In spite of myself, he does have a way of helping me to see things from a better perspective.

As a child I thought life must be easy for adults but it's not. Sometimes we just aren't going home and the one we're waiting for isn't going to come home either.

Today

Today was better. Although it was definitely cold when I woke up, there was no snow on the ground and best of all, no frost on my windshield. It actually warmed up to some pleasant temperatures and the sun came out for the entire day. It was glorious! By the time I went to my therapist appointment this afternoon, I was feeling much more optimistic than yesterday, or even the entire month of April. 

We were short on babies today. Three of my four were absent and one from the second infant room was out as well. I spent the day in the the other room and took care of the four we did have. It was a good day, just a little different from the usual. Tomorrow I'm expecting three of my own and things should be almost back to normal.

My people have been gone this week, but I've managed to keep myself busy. I met my friend Gail for dinner on Monday, went to my sister's house last night, and stopped to see another friend on my way home tonight. By tomorrow evening everyone should be back home and in their own beds again. I think Pip, the cat, will be glad to see his boys. I will too.

Something Sharable

 Multiple attempts to write something sharable...

I heard recently that PTSD shuts down thinking your brain and your brain can actually change on a physical level. Writing is one thing that helps the traumatized brain to heal. So... yeah.

I am very much looking forward to warm, sunny weather and healing walks through the woods, evenings at the lake, and flowers. If gasoline doesn't get any more expensive, I'm looking forward to a drive somewhere, a vacation of some kind, but I don't know where.

This past week saw me attending two memorial services. I drove and hour and a half to find my friend Lorrie whose sweet mom "graduated" the previous weekend. Yesterday I drove to Williamson for the service remembering my friend Sandy's ex husband. I'm still processing the second... Last night was a birthday party for my little grandson Henry who turned two on April 13. I am still processing last night as well. Today was Easter. I planned to find my friend Laura at her church but ultimately ended up watching the live service online. Not a story to tell here. Suffice it to say there are many emotions coursing through my veins. I am a little exhausted. 

Long weekends are for catching up with life and getting extra sleep, but I think I do better with that waking up at 5 am and going to to work. Next time it will be a real vacation.

 

A Few Bits and Pieces

 * Last week was Cannoli Week. It started with me finding International Delight Vanilla Cannoli Creme Latte Creamer. (I bought two bottles.) My cousin Karen brought cannoli chips and dip to our Friday night potter group (also known as Man Haters Club), and on Saturday I had coffee with a friend and she offered me a mini cannoli. Voila! Cannoli Week!!!

* It was a Sandy Weekend. Friday night my cousin Sandy was at pottery. On Saturday I had coffee (and a mini cannoli) with my friend Sandi C. Sunday morning I sat with my friend Sandy R. at church. Last night (Monday) a few friends and I had dinner at Sandy P's house. Voila! Sandy Weekend!!!

* Three Strikes and You're Out! It was cute and funny once, but the third time is just downright annoying. The most convenient space to place the box of tissues is also the most inconvenient. I've purposed to make sure it is out of reach when the girls go down for a nap. Today was the third time my friend Bennett filled her crib with clean tissues. The first time I folded them and tucked them into a clean box. (Photo is from the first time.) The second time, feeling rather flustered, I threw them in the trash. Today I was not so very patient. I scolded her with several "no's!" as I grabbed the tissues that surrounded her. Ugh. She cried and I once again folded the clean tissues. They are now in a more convenient inconvenient spot.

* I've been feeling flustered and frustrated lately. Prayers would be appreciated. (Thank you so much.)

A Little Rambling

I haven't done a spectacular job of keeping up with writing. So much happens and doesn't get written. Sometimes I'm just too tired, and sometimes, by the end of the day, I can't even remember anything worthy of being recorded. And then there are the days when I am simply too overwhelmed by my own thoughts.

Florida, formerly known as Minnesota, came to visit a week and a half ago. When I should have been landing in Sanford, Sanford was arriving in western NY. To be honest, there was a conflict of emotions flooding through my mind. There was excitement as to their arrival, and disappointment in the cancellation of my own trip to Florida, as well as frustration at the piddly amount the airline gave me in the form of vouchers as a refund. The change of plans was not made flippantly and I agree wholeheartedly with the decision. (I'm finding it possible to be both in agreement and disappointed both at once.)

We had a houseful of people and more with visitors. I took Thursday and Friday off work and on Friday six adults took ten children to Rochester's Strong Museum of Play. It was probably the highlight of the visit. On Saturday there was a gathering in honor of my birthday. Ten grandchildren, four of my own kids, and three in laws. We found ourselves short staffed at work but my boss graciously allowed me to come into work at 10:30 am on Monday morning, giving me time to say goodbye to my son and his family before they made the long return journey south.

On Tuesday morning my sweet daughter dropped my cat off at the vet. I picked him up on my way home from work. He has made a complete recovery from his "minor surgery". Nothing like cutting it close to the six month mark for neutering a male cat. Thankfully, there were no incidents of spraying prior to him being fixed.

Between visiting family, a time change, and loss of sleep, I found myself extremely sleepy Wednesday night. I fell asleep early (9 pm) waking only once during the night, and then sleeping right through to being awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. It was Heather at work wondering if I was coming in. My alarm had been turned off and I was already 5 minutes late. I told her I would throw on some clothes and be there. I miraculously made it out of the house in a flash grabbing a lunch and my coffee on the way. I arrived at work just 43 minutes late. Not too bad for having a 25 minute drive.

Winter made a return this weekend. I'd be lying if I said I didn't mind. I'm in great need of sunshine and outdoor exercise and very much looking forward to warm weather and trips to the lake.

To Be Honest...

It was a good day in the Baby Room. Lots of tears, because they ARE babies, and lots of hugs, snuggles, mischief and giggles. They are a sweet bunch even if they don't like taking naps. Half an hour. That's about how long they sleep. I don't know how they do it. I could easily pass out for an hour or two. Ha ha!

Child Development Associate

My days at work have fallen into a somewhat steady routine, as steady as a routine can be with four children under a year old. Arrival, playtime, breakfast, diapers, bottles, nap. More diapers, lunch, bottles, playtime, nap. Diapers, bottles, snack, playtime, departure...Today I disassembled our bulletin board and redecorated. Took down our penguins, love bugs, and cardinals along with a stack of photos, and put up something new. Footprint bunnies, carrots, butterflies and flowers, and put up a new stack of photos. I've found an outlet for my photography even if I can't share much of it here. 

I won't be making a return to kitchen duties. The kitchen will soon be turned over to a former cook and I will be a permanent fixture as an Infant Teacher. Imagine that! The CDA is progressing. It might be slow but I have almost 3 more certificates under my belt. It is a good fit for me too. "My girls" are developing wonderfully. They're all mobile in one way or another and our straggler is ahead in language skills, which isn't surprising. I am already dreading the day when they move up to toddlers.

I'm coming up on a couple days off. I bought airline tickets to Florida back in January, but Florida (formerly known as Minnesota) is coming to New York instead. (That's a story I won't get into...) My babies will wonder what has happened to me and I will be enjoying my grandchildren. Perhaps a Florida trip in the not too distant future. I'm still hoping.

Oh, What a Beautiful Day!

I skipped church this morning and met a friend for breakfast. That is not my usual behavior. I hadn't a clue just how beautiful a morning it was going to be, although I was a little bit flustered by the restaurant staff who looked past me several times and then immediately noticed the guy who came in several minutes after me. I raised my hands in front of my body like "what's the deal here?" which suddenly got me noticed. Have I ever told you how often I feel completely invisible? She was all apologies, but honestly, there were three girls up there not one of them addressed me until I waved my hands. 

In spite of the restaurant staff to whose eyes I was invisible, it was a very nice day. Gail and I stopped out by her cottage to check out the lake and then went on up the road to Sodus Point where the beach was still cut off from the lake by a mound of thick, sand and rock encrusted ice. It was windy, but not at all cold. The temperatures reached about 75 degrees Fahrenheit this afternoon. A rare early March occurrence.

 From Sodus we headed back to Webster and another of our favorite glass hunting spots. The wind, which was driving in cooler temperatures, was really starting to pick up speed. they say wind speeds today matched the temperatures. The lake was playful and the waves fabulous. My hair whipped around my face and my cotton shirt flapped in the breeze.

Back at home I found the power was out and the house was empty. My shoes and pant legs, drenched by rogue waves, were feeling cold. I didn't feel like changing my clothes and since my car was warm, I climbed back in the driver's seat, leaned it back and took a nap. I woke up when I heard Hannah pull in the driveway with the boys who had enjoyed a nice splash session in some puddles at another park.

Feeling Accomplished

I earned a certificate today. Dug in my heels and stayed the course until it was finished and I have a certificate to prove it. I have not a clue how many certificates I need to produce in the next year, but everyone has to start at the beginning. I have earned two so far. 

We finally had a Saturday where the windchill didn't suck the breath right out of the lungs. I didn't need my expensive gloves down by the lake this afternoon, just a hat and my thin knit gloves. I took a few pictures and decided not to become a casualty of the ice and trudged back up the hill to my car and came home. (Maybe I'll post a picture tomorrow.)

I'm meeting a friend for breakfast tomorrow, my friend Gail. We don't connect near as much during the cold winter months as we do in summer and fall. It will be nice to catch up again. It's been a few weeks since we went out to dinner. I think Mama Lor's is becoming one of our favorite meeting spots.

Lots of family drama. Prayers are appreciated. God knows everything. 

Bits and Pieces

* I got to thinking this afternoon and decided to attempt a resurrection. Of this blog. It's been undergoing a struggle the past few years, but I'm pretty sure with a bit of TLC it can be revived.

* There is so much for which to be grateful. I've often posted here when I was feeling down, but the truth is I'm really doing very well. The good days far outweigh the bad. I am actually loving myself and enjoying life. I rarely wonder who I am or where I am going to end up and I know The One who watches over me. He hasn't failed me yet. (I must remember not to post when I am tired. Honesty is good, life is not perfect, but God is still good.)

* My babies, my work babies, are growing up. When I started this Baby Room job back in October, the task felt daunting. The babies we 3, 4, 5, and 6 months old. I psyched myself up for the couple of months ahead, set my mind, and plunged forward. I fully expected, at the beginning, to be back in the daycare kitchen by Christmas. Silly me. It's been 5 months now. My girls are now 7, 8, 9, and 10 months old. In two weeks they will be 8, 9, 10, and 11 months. I think I'm in the Infant Room for the long haul, and that's okay. I actually like it most of the time. Ha ha!

* It is late and I am tired. Tired makes it hard for me to remember what happened during the day, and not remembering what happened makes posting a challenge. I have a plan to overcome that. And while I can remember...

* Overheard in the hallway this week while the two year old children were going outside, "Rocky the Bear? That's Winnie the Pooh." (Meet Rocky. He's been on the blog before. Do you think he looks at all like Pooh Bear?)

* And yesterday... I can't show her face, but I can show you what she did. The box of tissues was full. Ha ha! I almost didn't think to take a photograph. While she went to sleep I folded the tissues back up and put them into an empty tissue box. No sense throwing them all out. they were clean!

Changing Times

 It's almost 10 pm. and I need to go to sleep, but here I am checking in with all of you. (Whoever you are...) My starting time at work has changed and I'm now opening the infant room which requires me to be there by 6:30 am. Yes, it's early, but I've done this before and it has the added benefit of getting out of work an hour earlier too. I'm attempting to go to sleep earlier... We'll see how that goes.

Yesterday I signed up to take the class that will eventually earn me a Child Development Accreditation. I have up to a year to finish the course and take the test, but I'm already working in a position that requires the certificate. I'm not holding my breath at getting back into the daycare kitchen and after four months of baby room practice I'm in a new groove. I like this too and I love my girls. They're pretty great aside from nap time. Ha ha!

Little Feet

 My weeks are spent in the baby room. It's been a full three and half months now. I'm not sure if this a permanent placement or if one day they'll surprise me and send me back to the kitchen. 

The girls are attached to me now and leaving them would be hard on all of us. The older two (8 and 9 months) already cry when "strangers" come into the room. They all sit up independently, and two are crawling hands and knees. We've gone from strictly bottle feedings to pureed baby food. My 9 month old is almost ready for table food. It a beautiful, exhausting job.

It's winter and Valentines Day is the next big celebration so I've been redecorating the Infant Art Board. This means I paint the bottoms of their feet and then make the art. Then I call it theirs. Ha ha! I accidentally put Hannah's footprint on the paper upside down. Oops! Oh, well, I fixed it so it's all good.

Learning to Laugh at Myself

Did I happen to mention how I failed all the security measures at the airport on my home from Florida? I left a roll of dollar bills in my right from jeans pocket that showed up on the body scanner and because of that $23.00 I was subjected to a basic pat down. (They never inquired as to what I was sneaking through security.) Not only did I acquire a free pat down, but I was blessed with a "random" hand swab as well. I failed, and this failure earned me a second and more thorough pat down as well as a search of my belongings. "Would you like to go somewhere private?" asked the TSA agent. I wanted to laugh, but I  refrained. "No," I replied, and did not add, "whatever you need to do you can do in front of the entire airport," although I highly doubt anyone was interested in hanging around to watch. 

I probably don't need to tell you they found neither drugs nor explosives. The rest of the trip went by without incident, but back home I got really curious what in the world they could possibly have detected on my hands. I didn't have to dig deep. It had to have been glycerin. Used to make explosives, also used in oils and hand lotions. Just that morning I'd been curious about my grandson's cleansing oil and put a drop or two in my hand. I thought I was being sneaky. Guess not.

Yesterday I put my sweater on in the dark and wore it to work inside out. It's a navy and white, button up sweater with a winter pattern. I wore it for two hours before realizing my blunder. In the early morning dark of my bedroom I'd simply pulled it on over my head, never realizing I'd hung it up inside out. I don't know it anyone at work noticed before me. If they did, they certainly didn't let on. Ha ha! Good thing I can find the humor in being human. (It is funny, isn't it?) It's not near as hilarious as a wardrobe foible I had several years back. LOL!

Work was interesting this week. All of my babies were out Monday through Wednesday due to an "exposure." I went in when we opened and at 9 o'clock headed for the kitchen and did my old job for three days. At 12:30 pm I was free to go home. It was like an extended vacation after my three days off last week. Today we were back to "normal" (whatever that is) and I was back in the Infant Room with my four babies. What a crazy little bunch they are!

Marilyn, I'm sad that you haven't been able to leave comments. People have told me this in the past and yet I am set to accept all comments including those which are anonymous. I'm not sure how to fix this. Please keep trying or maybe set up a google account?

Pie and Pottery

Last Saturday, when I was home hobbling around on the ankle I'd rolled coming down the stairs on Friday, I found a bag of frozen elderberries in the freezer. Since I wasn't about to go out running around on a sore ankle, and the kitchen was clean, I decided to make a pie. It turned out beautiful! Perfect even, if you are a fan of Elderberry Pie. Which a few of us are. Well, two of us anyway...

I have a friend who loves elderberry pie very much and since it can be somewhat rare, I sent him a text to see if he was interested in a piece, since I had one with his name on it. Of course he was, it was catching up with him that was proving a challenge.
 

On Sunday evening I put two good sized slices of pie into a plastic box. I took it to work with me on Monday morning when it was really cold outside. On Monday evening, when Hannah and I visited the chiropractor's office, I asked my friend if he still wanted some pie. And did he still want to stop by and pick it up, or did he want the two pieces I had out in my car? He decided on the ones in my car. ha ha! I got a text later saying it was "the best supper ever!"

This morning he stopped by with something for me. A fluted pie plate/dish that he made at the pottery studio! Isn't that fabulous? I love it. And now I have this inner desire to fill it with Italian Cookies, probably because I didn't bake or eat any fancy Christmas cookies this year. It would also make a fantastic ice cream dish. I think it would be perfect for Fudge Ripple... :0)

Well That Stinks!

 Last Friday I felt a little bit of a tickle deep in my throat. I wasn't really coughing much at all, just feeling it now and again. My grandkids had been recovering from a cough while I was in Florida, nothing serious, just a cough, so I didn't think too much of it. I did, however, make sure to keep my mask up over my nose at work. 

Saturday came and went. Saturday evening I decided to do a test, just to be sure. Negative. Phew! Sunday morning I stayed home from church because I thought I should play it safe. I felt fine, just had that little bit of a tickle. Monday morning I went to work. Kept the mask on and made it through the day without incident, but found myself needing to clear my throat a little more often. I had no fever, no body aches, no sore throat, no fatigue.

Late Monday evening my nose started to prickle, almost like when you get water up your nose in a pool. It was slightly concerning but I've never had good luck calling into work and my test had been negative. I went to work Tuesday morning feeling okay. I had a sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich on the way and drank my coffee soon after arrival. It wasn't until my early morning potty break that I began to be concerned.

Sam mentioned something about one of the babies having a blowout. "It's probably Mara," I said, "I'll change her when I get back." There was a comment on my return about her having stunk up the whole room. I popped her up on the changing table and sure enough, she had pooped. There was a good amount there, but I wasn't smelling a thing. I held the open diaper closer to my face and sniffed, hoping no one would see me. Nothing. I smelled nothing. I smelled nothing when I changed the second soiled diaper. Now I was really concerned, but I still felt pretty much okay aside from a nose that was a little prickly.

I mentioned something to my boss who said maybe I should make an appointment for a test. When I got home later, I did a second test. It was negative too. Still uneasy, I called Urgent Care and they agreed to test me again. There was a long line of people waiting inside so I gave them my information and went to wait in my car. When my turn came they called me in, looked me over, asked a few questions, and stuck the swab up my nose. The result? Negative. 

I called my boss and told her the tests had all come back negative. She said she had me covered for Wednesday of I wanted to stay home so I took her up on it. It was a good call. On Wednesday I did not feel so great. Stuffy face and ears, stiff neck, diminished taste, and loss of smell along with a cough that threatened to go deep. Early yesterday afternoon I sent her a text and told her I hated to do it, but had decided to stay home for the rest of the week. 

I felt a bit stuffy this morning but the stiff neck is gone and my face isn't hurting. Maybe the vaccine I got back in August helped, or maybe it's the vitamin regimen along with the Musinex I've been taking. Maybe it isn't the dreaded virus at all and the negative tests were accurate. Either way I'm feeling pretty good today. I still have the cough and a runny nose, but I'm not feeling the level of concern that I had yesterday. I could smell the peanut butter this morning, my deodorant is scented, and my sense of taste has returned. 

I still plan to stay home tomorrow and lay low for the weekend, just to be safe.

There and Back Again

Last Friday, Christmas Eve, I got on a plane and flew to Florida. Two new things; flying on Christmas Eve, and being away from home on Christmas.

Tensions were running high here at home before I left. I had gotten out of work early (10:30 am.) and there was a layer of wet sticky snow on the ground. Mid afternoon Sergio suggested we go for a walk. While I pushed the stroller carrying Killian in his snowsuit, Hannah, Sergio and Idris had a snowball fight. At 5:30 pm. Hannah dropped me and my suitcase off at the airport.

On Christmas morning I frightened one small boy who peeked in my bedroom door by saying "Good morning!" He hadn't expected a "strange" woman to be sleeping in Dad's office and burst into tears. Thankfully, I was able to calm his fears by picking him up and talking to him. It was a beautiful Christmas morning with matching pajamas, a fancy breakfast, and lots of presents followed by a trip to visit the other grandparents where there were more presents. Lots more presents.

On Sunday we went to look for the manatees, but the weather was warm and sunny and the manatees were not hanging out in their winter hot spot. Even so it was a wonderful outing. On Monday we walked about the city, stopped at the playground, looked at the lake, and ate lunch in a Mexican restaurant. Tuesday morning was spent at home and before I knew it the time had come for me to go home. I was feeling a little more emotional than expected.

I didn't get to the beach and I didn't find any long lost friends. I'm still hoping for that on my next Florida trip and reminding myself that this wasn't really a vacation. It was a trip to visit my son and his family for Christmas and it was beautiful. (I think I like Florida.)

PS. That's an alligator swimming in the lake.