October

 I've made it all the way to the end of October without a post. I'm somewhat disappointed in allowing myself to let go of this lifeline which has been a place to sort through thoughts and emotions, to unwind and decompress, and to record a multitude of significant life events. Maybe that's part of the reason I've loosened my grip...

It's been a tough year for me in the political sense. Where I once considered myself conservative, I've been forced to rethink where that vein was taking me, and the message it was sending my friends and family. My own faith and spirituality have taken an unanticipated turn in the past 10 years, and with the downward spiral of the party I once considered my own, I knew I had to make a change. As a child I was taught about a Jesus who welcomed the stranger, fed the hungry, and healed the sick. My heart aches as I watch the church I loved take a different path. The political policies promoted and excused by former "Christian" friends have the potential to bring pain and trauma to so many people living among us. When our words and actions do not produce the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) then they are not of Christ, even if the American Church does everything it can to justify what is happening. 

My heart longs for the church I once thought existed (Yes, I know it still does, in isolated pockets...). I want to feel like I belong in Christian circles, but the truth is I cannot accept what I see them embracing. Every so often an old hymn or worship song touches a nerve deep within and the tears roll down my cheeks. Perhaps, on a small scale, I am finally understanding the tears of the prophets... My faith has not been discarded, it honestly hasn't really changed. It's just that the light is exposing what had for so long been shrouded in secrecy.

So, that's my October post. Tomorrow it will be November and that's always a good time to look back at the past year and remember all I have for which to be grateful. The list is long and plentiful.